reminder in the sky.

after a weekend in arkansas, we were welcomed home last night in typical oklahoma fashion... with severe thunderstorms. hooray! thankfully, we were able to take alternate routes on our drive so that we missed the worst parts of the storms. we finally pulled up to our apartment and were doing the "we made it" full body stretch that just instinctively happens after you've been in the car forever, when we looked up and saw a stellar rainbow peeking through the clouds.

maybe God knew i needed a little reminder of his faithfulness yesterday. it was my seventh father's day without dad, which is almost impossible to believe. it was easier than most since i was just on the road all day with my best friend, but it's just not a fun day -- and on those not fun days, it's easy to confuse emotions with truth, for "the heart is deceitful above all things" (jeremiah 17.9). so again, i was extra thankful last night for that little miracle in the sky reminding me that God keeps his promises and does not forget his people. he loves us and is with us.

he is faithful, he is glorious and
he is jesus and all my hope is in him.
he is freedom, he is healing right now,
he is hope and joy and love and peace and life.
-- bryan & katie torwalt

rock of ages.

last night, our church joined with other acts 29 churches in the okc area for a good friday service. it was simple, beautiful, and powerful... exactly what it needed to be. i was super thankful that several old hymns made it onto the set list. for whatever reason, i was so stirred by the lyrics to "Rock of Ages."

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,

Let me hide myself in Thee;

Let the water and the blood,

From Thy wounded side which flowed,

Be of sin the double cure,

Save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labor of my hands

Can fulfill Thy law's demands;

Could my zeal no respite know,

Could my tears forever flow,

All for sin could not atone;

Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,

Simply to Thy cross I cling;

Naked, come to Thee for dress;

Helpless, look to Thee for grace;

Foul, I to the fountain fly;

Wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,

When my eyes shall close in death,

When I rise to worlds unknown,

And behold Thee on Thy throne,

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,

Let me hide myself in Thee.

such an incredible reminder that my only hope for salvation is in the cross. i hope you're celebrating your emptiness and his magnificence this weekend. what a gift! what a savior! 

recently added.

i just really love music. it makes everything better -- running, cleaning, cooking, working, and especially driving -- and certain music stirs my affections for jesus more than anything else can -- more than reading, more than sermons -- seriously more than anything else. on that note (pun intended?), i saw this tweet this week and couldn't agree more:

Truth set to song is powerful. More powerful than we even realize. Get your hands on some of that music today and sing it over your life.

— Christy Nockels (@christynockels) January 21, 2013

anyway, i realized this morning that the "recently added" section on my itunes is currently stacked with great music i should share with you so you can enjoy them, too. it's a little more worship music heavy than usual, but i needed something fresh in that department, so i'm okay with it. 

so now, for your listening pleasure, here's a peek into my "recently added" itunes:

rich & poor, robbie seay band

i'm starting with this one because it's what we like to call FREE. god bless you, noisetrade. i've always found robbie seay's voice soothing and his lyrics thoughtful. 

// fav songs: "slow me down" & "baptize me in the river"

she must & shall go free, derek webb

disclaimer: this one is certainly not in my "recently added" section (i can remember loving it in high school -- i'm old), but it's also currently being offered on noisetrade in honor of its 10-year anniversary, so while you're there for robbie seay's tunes, you must get this album if you don't already have it. 

// fav songs: "lover" & "awake my soul" (these are two of my fav songs ever, not just on this album... again, you must get it.)

here on earth, bryan & katie torwalt

i had never heard of these people until a couple months ago when a friend at syrup had this album on repeat in the kitchen. naturally, i learned to love it. this album is full of songs made for worship, and it has already led my heart in that direction several times. if you aren't familiar with them either, their style/sound is similar to jesus culture, bethel music, kim walker, etc.

// fav songs: "holy spirit," "i'm a lover of your presence" & "glorious"

burning lights, chris tomlin

apparently, my mom has been loving this album so much that she gifted it to me through itunes -- and i will never say no to free music. chris tomlin needs no introduction, so... it's good. the end. 

// fav songs: "awake my soul" (featuring lecrae... so... yeah.) & "crown him" (i'm a sucker for hymns.)

the lone bellow, the lone bellow

i think i saved the best for last. i can't turn this album off, y'all. incredible sound, great harmony... i mean, it's just so good. treat yo self... it's only $7.

// fav songs: "tree to grow" (do you know me?) & "green eyes and a heart of gold" ... but really, all of them.

enjoy!! 

thankful thursday: christmas music.

you know those annoying people that are sticklers about only listening to christmas music after thanksgiving? well i hate to break it to ya...  but i'm for sure one of those people. so good news: it's FINALLY time to listen to christmas music, people! and you better believe i'm taking full advantage of it.

i've realized recently that christmas music is a pretty crazy phenomenon. i mean, words like "his law is love and his gospel is peace" are blaring out over store speakers everywhere. what?! people who would never step foot inside of a church building will gladly bundle up and sing, "joy to the world! the lord is come!" at a christmas tree lighting. completely bizarre, but kinda cool.

all of that to say... i'm dedicating this week's thankful thursday post to 5 new christmas albums i'm thankful for this season.

1. jeff berry, christmas
okay, okay, so maybe i'm biased -- he's a family friend and he sang at our wedding -- but my goodness he's got a great voice and he's a really good songwriter. {shameless plug.}
fav song: "you are the light"

2. ben rector, jingles and bells
as much as i love ben rector, how did i miss that he has a christmas ep?! supposedly it was released in 2009, but i had no clue until i saw it for free this week on noisetrade! it's a christmas miracle!
fav song: "jingle bells"

3. folk angel, glad tidings
i fell in love with folk angel last christmas -- their comfort & joy album is now one of my favorite christmas albums ever (let's not kid ourselves, mariah carey's merry christmas is at the top of the list, but theirs is up there). so, i was eagerly awaiting the release of this year's folksy christmas goodness, and glad tidings certainly did not disappoint.
fav song: "joy to the world"{tough call. "o little town of bethlehem" was a close second.}

4. drew holcomb & the neighbors, another neighborly christmas
i love their a neighborly christmas album from 2009, so i was super excited when they released this ep this year. they've got such a great sound -- sometimes folksy, sometimes rock, sometimes bluesy. it's just real good.
fav song: "white christmas"

5. andrew peterson, behold the lamb of god
this album is far from new -- in fact, i think it's over a decade old -- but it's so good that i had to include it. one of my roommates in college introduced me to it, but i haven't really listened to it much since. some friends here in norman reminded me of it this year, and now i'm its biggest fan all over again. the whole album tells a story -- starting with moses, moving through the old testament, the prophets, into the birth and life of christ. it really is incredible and worth listening to all the way through at least once.
fav song: "while shepherds watched their flocks"

hope these tunes help you get in the christmas spirit even though it's 75 degrees outside! enjoy!

what are you thankful for this week? do you have any new favorite christmas albums this season? favorite ever christmas albums?

needtobreathe.

syrup is next door to a local record shop, and one day i saw this poster in the window. needtobreathe in okc? yes please. so, chris and i got tickets and called it our anniversary gift to each other. (fun bonus: tickets = paper = the traditional one year anniversary gift. who knew?)

we waited in the will call line (outside in the cold) foreveerrrrrr, but the good news is, we got to see an incredible sunset -- easily the best perk of living in oklahoma.

if you're not into needtobreathe, you should be, and if you ever get the chance to see them live, you should go. they put on a really great show. i know i'm naive, but i just feel like they love what they're doing and it's so fun to watch. they just seem like good ol' southern boys singing from deep in their souls, not for money or fame, but because they just love music. okay i'm done. no i'm not -- their lyrics, y'all. they're just so good. okay now i'm done. for real.

i'm not good at picking favorites, but i think my favorite performances of the night were "the reckoning"(with drew holcomb), "keep your eyes open," and "difference maker." click the links to see videos of the other two, but here's "difference maker" for your viewing pleasure. enjoy!

child of weakness.

{no relation to this post... just some pretty lavender my friend picked in june... thanks, stroope.}

this verse from "jesus paid it all" has been weighing heavy on me in recent days. so much conviction, so much hope... had to share:

I hear the Savior say,

"Thy strength indeed is small.

Child of weakness, watch and pray,

find in me thine all in all."

Jesus paid it all,

all to him I owe.

Sin hath left a crimson stain,

he washed it white as snow.

now playing.

good music can affect my mood more than just about anything else.

likewise, good music can stir my affections for jesus more than most things. i treasure those songs that make my soul scream, "yes!! me too! amen!!" you know that feeling when you feel like someone was able to put into words what you didn't even know was inside of you? then, they put those words to good music and i'm just done.

recently, a friend told me about this group called all sons & daughters. i had never heard of them, but she had told me like 17 different times to listen to them, so on a whim, i just opened up the itunes store and bought one of their EPs -- not even sure why i chose the one i did, but i love it. i mean, i LOVE it. every single song is good, but a couple of them especially make my heart freak out.

the first song on the EP is "reason to sing." here's a glimpse at some of the lyrics:

when the pieces seem too shattered

to gather off the floor

and all that seems to matter

is that i don't feel you anymore

no, i don't feel you anymore

i need a reason to sing

i need a reason to sing

i need to know that you're still holding

the whole world in your hands

i need a reason to sing

have you ever been there?! our feelings are so deceiving, aren't they? we can become so overwhelmed by our {very real, yet fleeting} emotions that we miss the nearness of God's presence. in those moments of brokenness, loneliness, emptiness, all theological training goes out the window -- all that matters is being able to know that God is near and that he indeed has the whole world in his hands, or as Paul writes, "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" (colossians 1.17).

from that heaviness, they move into the next song, "oh our lord," which starts out with these words:

i will sing, sing, sing to my God, my king

for all else fades away

i will love, love, love with this heart you've made

for you've been good always

oh, oh, oh our Lord

oh, oh, oh our Lord

how majestic is your name in all the earth

the whole song is about praising the powerful, majestic name of the Lord. i just love that movement -- from "i need a reason to sing" to "i will sing" -- because i've learned that sometimes that's what it's all about. whether i'm having a bad day, a bad week, or a bad year, in those moments that i can't feel God and i get lost in my worries and questions, i have to force myself to remember truth. i have a friend who often tells me to preach to myself -- to remind myself of truth -- like the psalmist does in psalm 42.5: "why are you cast down, o my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? hope in God; for i shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." usually the truth i remember in those moments is no more advanced than "God is faithful" -- but because i can claim that truth, i have a reason to sing. praising God gives us perspective. 

so whether you jam to spotify, pandora, itunes, or whatever, i can't recommend all sons & daughters highly enough. i have no doubt that they will soon move from my "recently added" to my "top 25 most played." 

what music leads your heart to worship??

already all i need.

we're talking about spiritual disciplines right now at providence road, and last night i got to hear the most wonderfully well-spoken, incredibly attractive preacher (okay, okay, my husband) speak on silence and solitude. i wanted to steal the mic and just tell everyone to book flights to santa fe so we could all go to the monastery. gosh, i miss that place (see another post on it here). one of these days, i WILL go back, and i'm taking chris with me -- and i'm pretty sure we could get katelyn and walker to go with us (i would love to tell people we're taking a couples vacay to a monastery -- ha!).

it is just so hard to find even a tiny bit of silence or solitude in our crazy loud culture. i've noticed that even when i do fight for that time, i may be still and quiet, but my mind is still racing. so then, to focus, i start praying -- and by that i mean, asking. i've noticed recently that i ask God for a LOT. i'm constantly telling him my concerns/worries/needs (as if he doesn't already know them) and asking him (telling him?) to do something about them.

i went to sleep last night doing some of this praying asking, and woke up this morning still thinking about it. remembering chris' sermon from last night, i just stopped and tried to still my soul. a funny thing happens when you stop talking -- it makes room for other people to speak up -- crazy, huh?! in that moment, i was quickly reminded of exodus 3, when moses asked God his name. "God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM... This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations." sometimes i wonder if he wants to scream that in my ear.

i need a friend. I AM.
i need peace. I AM.
i need someone who understands me. I AM.
i need joy. I AM.
i need financial provision. I AM.
i need purpose. I AM.
and the list goes on and on and on and on and on...

hello conviction. it seems like such a simple idea, but i've found it's one of those things that's easy to know in your head, but hard to believe in your heart, and even more difficult to live out in your life. it reminds me of one of my new go-to songs. if you're like me and the Lord speaks most clearly to you through song lyrics (especially if they're sung by christy nockels), then expect this one to do a number on your soul.

asking where you are, Lord, wondering where you've been

is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind.

and hoping for your mercy to meet me where i am

is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand.

you fill the sun with morning light

you bid the moon to lead the night

you clothe the lilies bright and beautiful

(chorus)

walking through this life without your freedom in my heart

is like holding on to shackles that you have torn apart.

so remind me of your promises and all that you have done.

in this world i will have trouble, but you have overcome.

and every gift that i receive you determine just for me,

but nothing i desire compares to you.

(chorus)

in your fullness, you're my all in all.

in your healing, i'm forever made whole.

in your freedom, your love overflows

and carries me, you carry me.

you're already all i need,

already everything that i could hope for,

you're already all i need.

you've already set me free,

already making me more like you.

you're already all i need, jesus,

you're already all i need.

foundation.

as i stood in church yesterday, shoulder to shoulder with my family, i was suddenly incredibly overwhelmed. the congregation was singing songs about the faithfulness of god, and i realized that my family was standing there as a living testimony of what it means to endure trials by faith. no one would have blamed us if we had walked away from everything...but, by the grace of god, we didn't. so i stood there yesterday, rejoicing that we as a family were still standing on him alone as our rock.

but funny how quickly my mind can turn on me, for "the heart is deceitful above all things; and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (jeremiah 17.9). i soon found myself thinking about 2011 and what a crazy year it might be for my family. mom could sell her house and move to dallas. luke and teri will have a baby. luke could be looking for a new job. both drew and i will graduate from seminary. both drew and i will be moving and looking for jobs. dating a boy could turn into planning a wedding. and all of this just in 2011. suddenly, everything about the future seemed incredibly uncertain and i felt like i was losing my footing.

then we sang this hymn. once you get passed all the thees and thous, the lyrics are really good and exactly the reminder that i needed. i hope they encourage you today, too:

how firm a foundation, ye saints of the lord,

is laid for your faith in his excellent word!

what more can he say than to you he hath said--

to you who for refuge to jesus have fled?

"fear not, i am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,

for i am they god, and will still give thee aid;

i'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

upheld by my gracious, omnipotent hand.

"when through the deep waters i call thee to go,

the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;

for i will be with thee thy trouble to bless,

and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"when through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

my grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;

the flame shall not harm thee; i only design

thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

"the soul that on jesus doth lean for repose,

i will not, i will not desert to his foes;

that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

i'll never, no never, no never forsake."

thankful for these promises as i look back over the last four years.

thankful for these promises as i walk into 2011.

advent.

in the last couple of years, i've become a huge fan of the advent season. honestly, one of the reasons i've grown to appreciate it is because it makes this time more about christ and less about traditions and family and gifts and all those things that can make christmas a tough season for people missing someone they love. even aside from that aspect of it, i'm realizing that it's a really important time for all believers, and i wish we gave it more attention.

if you haven't already, i suggest you read rob bell's article on advent. i found it super encouraging, and i think you will too. it's a good word on hope and expectation, claiming, "the not yet will be worth it."

if you're looking for an advent guide, a daily reading to keep you focused during this season, buckner has created a really great one this year. check it out here.

finally, the hymn, "come thou long expected jesus," is one of my favorites during the advent season. if you need a good version of it, i'm a big fan of christy nockels' acappella version--duh--on chris tomlin's christmas album. i posted the lyrics last year, but i think they're worth posting again:

come thou long-expected jesus,

born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us,

let us find our rest in thee.

israel's strength and consolation,

hope of all the earth thou art;

dear desire of every nation,

joy of every longing heart.

born thy people to deliver,

born a child and yet a king.

born to reign in us forever,

now thy gracious kingdom bring.

by thy own eternal spirit

rule in all our hearts alone;

by thine all-sufficient merit

raise us to thy glorious throne.

shine.

the david crowder band recently released a music video for their song, "sms(shine)." it's a beautiful song and a fascinating video. enjoy!

lyrics:

send me a sign

a hint, a whisper

fill me with life

'cause i am listening

come break the quiet

breathe your awakening

bring me the light

'cause i am fading

surround me with the rush of angels' wings

shine your light so i can see you

pull me up, i need to be near you

hold me, i need to feel loved

can you overcome this heart that's overcome?

you sent a sign

the hint, o whisper

human, divine

everyone is listening

death laid low

quiet in the night is stirring

all around the rush of angels

o the wonder of the greatest love has come

shine your light so all can see it

lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it

love has come, what joy to hear it

he has overcome, he has overcome

choose.

welcome to that time of the semester when i spend more hours in the library than sleeping in my bed. gross. needless to say, maintaining a good perspective on life can kinda be a challenge during this season.

my mom emailed me the lyrics to this song a few weeks ago, and it's been stuck in my head ever since. a couple thoughts: 1. i hope i can be the kind of mom one day that pushes her children to know the lord. 2. these words challenge me and i hope they will challenge you, too. it's not very romantic to think of a relationship as a matter of making choices, but i think realistically, maybe it is.

"choose," by christy nockels.

let me be in love with what you love.

let me be most satisfied in you.

forsaking what this world has offered me,

i choose to be in love with you.

i will choose to be in love with you.

let me know the peace that's mine in you.

let me know the joy my heart can sing.

for i have nothing, lord, apart from you.

i choose to call on christ in me.

i will choose to call on christ in me.

for in the fullness of who you are,

i can rest in this place.

and giving over this, my journey, lord,

i see nothing but your face.

let me know that you have loved me first.

let me know the weight of my response.

for you have long pursued my wandering heart.

i choose to glory in your cross.

i will choose to glory in your cross.

and i bow down...

humbly, i bow down...

i bow down, i bow down to you...

i have a reason to sing.

we sang hillsong's "desert song" in church yesterday and it's been stuck in my head ever since. i'm sure most of you know the song, and if you don't, you should probably go to itunes right now and purchase it. the lyrics are convicting and encouraging. i've been needing a fresh reminder of these promises. in every season, he is God. he alone is provider, refiner, and my victory. on the good days and on the hard days, i have a reason to worship.

enjoy.

this is my prayer in the desert,

when all that's within me feels dry.

this is my prayer in my hunger and need,

my God is the God who provides.

and this is my prayer in the fire,

in weakness or trial or pain.

there is a faith proved of more worth than gold,

so refine me Lord through the flame.

this is my prayer in the battle,

when triumph is still on its way.

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,

so firm on his promise I'll stand.

all of my life, in every season,

you are still God,

i have a reason to sing,

i have a reason to worship.

i will bring praise, i will bring praise,

no weapon formed against me shall remain.

i will rejoice, i will declare,

God is my victory and he is here.

and this is my prayer in the harvest,

when favor and providence flow.

i know i'm filled to be emptied again,

the seed i've received i will sow.

a thrill of hope.

i realized sitting in the christmas eve service tonight that i've been dealing with christmas this year like i deal with cold weather: i don't love cold weather, but there's nothing i can really do about it, so i just have to bundle up and hope i get inside again before it makes me too miserable. this is exactly how i've been getting through this christmas season. i haven't been shocked by it (1st year), or angered by it (2nd year), but maybe just bothered by it... and since there's not much i can do about it, i've simply braced myself and hoped to survive.

but i recognized tonight that in bracing myself for the season of christmas i've missed out on the message of christmas. (read "message" as "reason", though i couldn't bring myself to use the word "reason" due to the countless times i've rolled my eyes at "jesus is the reason for the season" church marquees.) this year, rather than my mind being captivated by the story and my heart being engaged in worship, i've done my best to keep it all at an arms-length so as not to get emotionally involved.

however, it's hard to keep emmanuel at an arms-length. emmanuel. god with us. surely that is the "good news of a great joy that will be for all the people" that the angels were talking about. it is good news to me that "the word became flesh and dwelt among us" (john 1.14). it is good news to me that "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses" (hebrews 4.15). i find a great joy in this emmanuel, this savior that would come to see and feel and hear and hurt and weep and laugh and struggle and ache and love.

so tonight, as i squeezed like a sardine onto a church pew packed with me and about 20 of my relatives, i felt my weary heart rejoicing--thankful for a family i couldn't love more, thankful for the opportunity to worship, and thankful for emmanuel.

a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,

for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

fall on your knees.

oh hear the angel voices.

oh night divine.

oh night when christ was born.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...?

i'm not sure where december came from, because i absolutely still feel like it should be october. regardless, december is here, and everyone around me seems to be bubbling with christmas spirit. i literally feel like i've had to force myself to muster up some christmas cheer. i've been drinking hot cider and hot cocoa, eating little debbie christmas tree cakes, listening to christmas music every now and then...we even went to the christmas tree lighting and went ice skating...

...and all of this has been a lot of fun, but i just feel like i've been missing something.

at church on sunday, i was reminded of the beauty and wonder of advent. the worship leader emphasized the significance of advent hymns, in contrast to christmas carols. we sang songs that specifically focused on the sense of expectation and hope felt during the advent season.

i recently saw this tweet from j.r. vassar: "the first advent brought relief from our sins. the second advent will bring relief from our sufferings. come, lord jesus."

wow. do i live in expectation of that? do i work towards making that coming kingdom a reality today? do i recognize this coming jesus as the one in luke 4.18-19, the one proclaiming good news to the poor, liberty to the captives and to the oppressed?

this advent hymn has been in my head since sunday. i hope the words challenge you like they have me:

come thou long-expected jesus,

born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us,

let us find our rest in thee.

israel's strength and consolation,

hope of all the earth thou art;

dear desire of every nation,

joy of every longing heart.

born thy people to deliver,

born a child and yet a king.

born to reign in us forever,

now thy gracious kingdom bring.

by thy own eternal spirit

rule in all our hearts alone;

by thine all-sufficient merit

raise us to thy glorious throne.

so maybe you're one of those that can't contain your christmas cheer... or maybe you're like me--just drinking a peppermint mocha and tuning into the 24/7 christmas music radio station every now and then... but either way, i pray we understand the hope and expectation of the advent season. come, lord jesus.

lover.

"lover" by derek webb has always been a favorite, but it's on repeat in my head today. it's written as god speaking to us. the last 2 verses are especially powerful to me:

"go on and take my picture,

go on and make me up.

oh, i'll still be your defender,

and you'll be my missing son.

and i'll send out an army

just to bring you back to me.

'cause regardless of your brother's lies,

oh, you will be set free.

because i am my beloved's

and my beloved's mine.

so, you bring all your history,

and i'll bring the bread and wine.

then we'll have us a party

where all the drinks are on me.

and as surely as the rising sun,

oh, you will be set free."

i think i can relate to that prodigal son. praise god that he doesn't leave me stranded in my craziness, but comes running after me to bring me back. why? because i am his and he is mine. what?! i don't understand why, but i think he loves this unfair trade. i bring him my history and my craziness, he throws me a party. i think isaiah phrases it a little better in isaiah 61.3. god wants to give "a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit..." beautiful, huh?

as i celebrate my birthday today, i can't help but feel unbelievably and undeservedly loved. i don't think i'll ever understand "how wide and long and high and deep is the love of christ...this love that surpasses knowledge" (ephesians 3.18-19). 

how marvelous.

the next big idea conference is going on at truett this week. in one of the worship sessions this morning we sang the hymn "how marvelous." in all my years of singing hymns in church, i had never heard the second verse to this hymn:

"for me it was in the garden

he prayed: 'not my will, but thine.'

he had no tears for his own griefs,

but sweat-drops of blood for mine."

then, of course, the chorus:

"how marvelous! how wonderful!

and my song shall ever be:

how marvelous! how wonderful

is my savior's love for me!"

i had full intentions of writing out some thoughts from these words, but i feel like anything i say would take away from them...and they kinda leave me speechless anyway. just wanted to share. 

the only hope.

in celebrating advent, this week is all about hope. i'm reading through an advent guide produced by buckner international. get it here: http://www.buckner.org/advent-daily.shtml

one of the readings in the advent guide this week was about the difference between hope and wishful thinking. i think too often my hope is less like unwavering assurance and more like wishful thinking. i guess it's a lack of faith or confidence, a struggle to believe, perhaps. 

hebrews 11.1 (esv): "now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

i don't really know how to make the transition from wishful thinking to blessed assurance. any suggestions?

maybe bebo can help me out. he usually does. this song is on his newest cd. you should get it.

"the only hope"

i want to run, it's my nature to run

and i want to fight, it's my nature to fight

and i want to live, but you tell me to die

i have resolved that i'm much better off in your hands than mine

i'm begging you to hold on tight

begging you to hold on tight

begging you take my life from me

i want a crumb, but you are a feast

i want a song, but you are a symphony

i want a star, but you are a galaxy

and i have resolved that i'm much better off in what you have for me

i'm begging you to hold on tight

begging you to hold on tight

begging you to take my life from me

so tell me you won't let go

tell me you won't let go

cause you are the only hope for me

take my life from me, it's the only hope for me

take my life from me, it's the only hope for me

and i'll never want for more

i'll never want for more

i'm begging you to hold on tight

begging you to hold on tight

begging you to take my life from me

so tell me you won't let go

tell me you won't let go

cause you are the only hope for me

you're the only hope for me

yeah, you're the only hope for me

i especially love the verses of this song. they nail me in the way i think and relate with god. and then the chorus is this reminder that it's not really about me or the way i think. my desperate hope is really about him holding on to me, not the other way around. 

hallelujah

there are a lot of songs on repeat in my head right now that are getting me through these days. most recently (as in the last 36 hours), this one has been especially on my heart.

"hallelujah"--bethany dillon

who can hold the stars and my weary heart?

who can see everything?

i've fallen so hard, sometimes i feel so far

but not beyond your reach.

i could climb a mountain, swim the ocean, or do anything

but it's when you hold me that i start unfolding

and all that i can say is...

hallelujah, hallelujah

whatever's in front of me

help me to sing hallelujah.

hallelujah, hallelujah

whatever's in front of me

i'll choose to sing hallelujah.

the same sun that rises over castles and welcomes the day

spills over buildings into the streets where orphans play.

and only you can see the good in broken things.

you took my heart of stone, and you made it home

and set this prisoner free.

hopefully i'll get to write more later, but for now, just know that there's been a lot of "unfolding" these days and a lot of desperately trying to "see the good in broken things." and sometimes, or maybe all the time, singing "hallelujah" has to be a choice that can only be made with His help. 

less like scars.

i don't really know what to do with today. the question that keeps running in my mind is simply, "what now?!" year one: check. so do we just start the whole process over again now? the truth is, one year feels like one week. people act like the one year mark is such a monumental milestone. one person even said something like "you made it!" in a card to me yesterday. funny.

i've got another song to share. the words are unbelievable. i'm praying for this kind of perspective on the last year of my life.

"less like scars"--sara groves

it's been a hard year,
but i'm climbing out of the rubble.
these lessons are hard.
healing changes are subtle.
but every day it's...

less like tearing more like building,
less like captive more like willing,
less like breakdown more like surrender,
less like haunting more like remember...

and i feel you here,
and you're picking up the pieces,
forever faithful.
it seemed out of my hands, a bad situation,
but you are able.
and in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like character.

less like a prison more like my room,
less like a casket more like a womb,
less like dying more like transcending,
less like fear, less like an ending...

just a little while ago,
i couldn't feel the power or the hope.
i couldn't cope, i couldn't feel a thing.
just a little while back,
i was desperate, broken, laid out,
hoping you would come.

and i need you.
and i want you here.
and i feel you here.

and in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like character.