a thrill of hope.

i realized sitting in the christmas eve service tonight that i've been dealing with christmas this year like i deal with cold weather: i don't love cold weather, but there's nothing i can really do about it, so i just have to bundle up and hope i get inside again before it makes me too miserable. this is exactly how i've been getting through this christmas season. i haven't been shocked by it (1st year), or angered by it (2nd year), but maybe just bothered by it... and since there's not much i can do about it, i've simply braced myself and hoped to survive.

but i recognized tonight that in bracing myself for the season of christmas i've missed out on the message of christmas. (read "message" as "reason", though i couldn't bring myself to use the word "reason" due to the countless times i've rolled my eyes at "jesus is the reason for the season" church marquees.) this year, rather than my mind being captivated by the story and my heart being engaged in worship, i've done my best to keep it all at an arms-length so as not to get emotionally involved.

however, it's hard to keep emmanuel at an arms-length. emmanuel. god with us. surely that is the "good news of a great joy that will be for all the people" that the angels were talking about. it is good news to me that "the word became flesh and dwelt among us" (john 1.14). it is good news to me that "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses" (hebrews 4.15). i find a great joy in this emmanuel, this savior that would come to see and feel and hear and hurt and weep and laugh and struggle and ache and love.

so tonight, as i squeezed like a sardine onto a church pew packed with me and about 20 of my relatives, i felt my weary heart rejoicing--thankful for a family i couldn't love more, thankful for the opportunity to worship, and thankful for emmanuel.

a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,

for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

fall on your knees.

oh hear the angel voices.

oh night divine.

oh night when christ was born.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...?

i'm not sure where december came from, because i absolutely still feel like it should be october. regardless, december is here, and everyone around me seems to be bubbling with christmas spirit. i literally feel like i've had to force myself to muster up some christmas cheer. i've been drinking hot cider and hot cocoa, eating little debbie christmas tree cakes, listening to christmas music every now and then...we even went to the christmas tree lighting and went ice skating...

...and all of this has been a lot of fun, but i just feel like i've been missing something.

at church on sunday, i was reminded of the beauty and wonder of advent. the worship leader emphasized the significance of advent hymns, in contrast to christmas carols. we sang songs that specifically focused on the sense of expectation and hope felt during the advent season.

i recently saw this tweet from j.r. vassar: "the first advent brought relief from our sins. the second advent will bring relief from our sufferings. come, lord jesus."

wow. do i live in expectation of that? do i work towards making that coming kingdom a reality today? do i recognize this coming jesus as the one in luke 4.18-19, the one proclaiming good news to the poor, liberty to the captives and to the oppressed?

this advent hymn has been in my head since sunday. i hope the words challenge you like they have me:

come thou long-expected jesus,

born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us,

let us find our rest in thee.

israel's strength and consolation,

hope of all the earth thou art;

dear desire of every nation,

joy of every longing heart.

born thy people to deliver,

born a child and yet a king.

born to reign in us forever,

now thy gracious kingdom bring.

by thy own eternal spirit

rule in all our hearts alone;

by thine all-sufficient merit

raise us to thy glorious throne.

so maybe you're one of those that can't contain your christmas cheer... or maybe you're like me--just drinking a peppermint mocha and tuning into the 24/7 christmas music radio station every now and then... but either way, i pray we understand the hope and expectation of the advent season. come, lord jesus.

What's Your God Issue?

heavy heart for addis.

recently, my heart has been heavy for ethiopia all over again.

my brother just got back from a trip to ethiopia with buckner international. the lord is using buckner to do some incredible things in that country. it's absolutely beautiful. please check out his blog for more pictures and stories.

i was at a convention earlier this week for texas baptists. while working the booth for truett seminary, i noticed a mom walking by pushing a stroller that held the cutest girl i've ever seen. i was instantly drawn to the little one. she was stunning for a 17-month-old. while tickling her feet and trying to make her laugh, i couldn't help but think she looked ethiopian. even more crazy, i couldn't help but think she looked familiar. long story short: sweet little maya was in buckner's baby home in ethiopia when i was there in august!! she just got adopted in september. i remember the caretakers telling us that her new parents were coming just a few short weeks after we left. isn't that incredible?! a little girl that stole my heart in addis ababa, ethiopia, captured it again in houston, texas. i also met a man that is in the process of adopting a little boy i saw in the baby home. here's a picture of the two little ones playing together in august:

the little boy in the middle is the one being adopted, and sweet maya's on the right. i wish you could see her face. isn't it crazy to think that those 2 little ethiopians are now texans?! i love it. adoption is such a beautiful thing--not because it's trendy and cool and philanthropic, but because it's such an incredible picture of our relationship with god. also, as believers, i think we should almost see it as a duty or a responsibility. there's really no excuse for us to allow there to be 143 million orphans in the world.

pray for ethiopia. and pray for more families to feel the call to adopt.

prayer.

i was asked to give the benediction at truett's chapel service this week. i'm not one to be easily intimidated, but for someone who doesn't really understand prayer, the idea of praying in front of fellow students and renowned ph.D.s made me a little nervous. i thought about using a liturgical prayer, but i just wasn't comfortable with that. i wanted to sound scholarly and eloquent, but i couldn't get christ's words in matthew 6.5 out of my mind.

all of that to say, i decided to write my own prayer. it's certainly nothing profound, but it's definitely honest and pertains to questions i wrestle with daily. just thought i'd share it with you.

pray with me.

god, we want to know what it means to love you today, and we recognize that part of loving you is obeying you. so thank you that your commandments are not burdensome, but life-giving, as they force us to depend on you.

god, we want to know what it means to know you today, because we recognize that all else pales in comparison to the surpassing worth of knowing you as lord. so may we count all else as loss in order that we may be found in you.

so give us strength today to love you, even when we're not sure we trust you, and to know you, even when we may not feel you.

and now may your peace, which is far beyond anything we can understand or comprehend, guard our hearts and our minds in you today.

amen.