woven in the tapestry

I’ve been nervous to post anything in the last few days because of a fear of being TOO honest with my thoughts on here. More scary to me, though, would be to wear a mask when writing this blog, therefore skewing any attempt at vulnerability. Nobody needs to read anyone’s masked thoughts or “put together” story. There’s enough of that in this world already, especially among believers. Sad, but sometimes true.

On Monday, I attended the university’s memorial service for Lauren Burk. The administration handled it really well. Dr. Johnny Green, our Dean of students, is essentially a minister posing as a dean. He shared an inspirational and encouraging message, referencing scripture more than once. He talked about the prophet, Amos, and discussed such virtues as justice and goodness.

It is interesting to me that when someone is tragically murdered it can be dubbed “an untimely injustice,” but Dad’s death is supposed to be understood as God wanting to take him home in His perfect timing. I can’t understand that rationale, but I’m not convinced that it holds much truth worth understanding. Is dying of a sudden, unexpected heart-attack not tragic and shocking and “an untimely injustice”?? In the case of this murder, there is one to whom we can point the finger of blame, one who can be called “guilty.” And when he receives his just punishment, family and friends of Lauren can feel some sense of relief, or even fulfilled revenge. In the case of a heart-attack, who is to blame? It is tempting to point that finger at God, but like a child wanting to touch the hot stove, I know better.

I have to believe that in His sovereignty, this broken story of mine is beautiful. I have to believe that it will be woven in amongst others’ stories in the tapestry of His bigger story. I’ve been overwhelmed by this concept recently. On Saturday night, I attended a church in Nashville that was celebrating its tenth anniversary. The six founding couples shared stories and testimonies of the Lord’s faithfulness over the last ten years. One woman referred to 1 John 5.6-12 and discussed the power of our testimonies. “Whoever believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself…And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life…” (v.10-12) There is power in testifying to others about my story of life in the Son of God. Praise God that others’ stories have heavily impacted my story (exhibit A: click on “inspiration” or “mentor” on the right), and I can only hope that my own will be used to affect the stories of others. Hence, the necessity for vulnerability here.

At the memorial service, Dr. Green also referred to Hebrews 12.1. Though the “great cloud of witnesses” may seem romantic and picturesque, I would rather picture my dad sitting on the couch at home reading the paper and watching ESPN. But I have to believe that he is in that group alongside other great heroes of faith, surrounding us and spurring us on with their stories that are being told and retold, as we are “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.” That’s my only hope—to fix my eyes on Him and to trust Him with my feeble, broken faith. Thank you, Jesus, for loving me just as I am.