running through the tape.

i wrote my last post on one of my first 24s of the summer and here i am writing this post on my very last 24. crazy. i really can't believe i'm so close to the end of my time here at kaa. i really have grown to love this place. i love the people, i love the atmosphere, i love the music, i love the conversations, i love the attire, i love having a lake in my backyard, i love feeling exhausted at the end of every day. and to be honest, all summer the thought of leaving this place has created somewhat of a haunting fear in me. i know that sounds bizarre and maybe even dramatic, but i'm being completely serious. it has been such an incredible summer, such a unique experience--not like a super spiritual, emotional, "mountain-top" experience, but just a very humbling, challenging, stretching experience. 

i'm scared to face the reality that i may never be back. i'm scared that when i leave and go back to normal life, i won't sense purpose and meaning in everyday life like i do here. i'm scared to be around people that act like they have it all together instead of the people here that are so open and honest about where they've come from and where they are now. i'm scared i'll go back to going lengthy amounts of time without thinking about the lord or recognizing my need for him. i'm scared i'll return to thoughts and feelings of spiritual apathy and irrelevance. and again, it's not like everything has clicked here and everything makes complete sense now, but i do feel less like a crazy and my relationship with god does seem a little more real and more purposeful.

so pray for me as i strive to make the most of my last week at kamp. pray that i won't throw in the towel and check out early but that i'll finish strong, run through the tape, and maximize my time, taking advantage of every opportunity with my girls. and maybe most importantly, pray for me as i prepare to leave on august 6th.