still overwhelmed.

in the last few days that i've been home, faces and events from my summer have been on constant replay in my mind. i feel like i can't really explain my experiences at kaa and in ethiopia, which doesn't help the fact that i feel like no one can really understand them. 

at kaa, for three whole months, i lived with, worked alongside of, ministered to, and became good friends with people of completely different lifestyles and backgrounds than my own. i worked hard and sweat a lot, learning what servanthood and humility really look like. i was surrounded by people that weren't the most theologically educated, but they certainly knew how to love jesus and how to serve him--and how many people that are theologically educated only talk about those things? for three months, i lived in a world where all that mattered was loving god and serving him. my main responsibilities were to love god and to love my girls, to serve the kampers and counselors and to work with an incredible leadership team. pretty good job description, eh?

then i went to ethiopia, where for a solid week i surrounded myself with people who also love god. these people were truly trying to figure out the meaning of james 1.27. my eyes literally saw some unbelievable things--beautiful faces, rich culture, extreme poverty. my ears heard the laughter of children, the cries of babies, and the conversations of american couples desiring to glorify god with what he has given them--seeking to be not merely donors, but rather stewards. i was so convicted to evaluate my own life--my resources, my gifts, my education, my time, my life experiences--and to figure out how to really be a good steward of who i am and what i've been given. it takes me back to romans 11.36. 

all summer i felt such a sense of purpose, such an ability to see clearly how god was working and how i could be a part of it. now, i feel so helpless and so disconnected from what i saw this summer. comparatively, i feel like my life now lacks direction and purpose, and i'm not really sure where to go from here. i want my life to have meaning. i want it to count for something...but what does that really look like?