i just really don't do storms well. this is our second spring (read: tornado season) in oklahoma, and i haven't gotten any better at it. if it even thunders, i assume a tornado is coming.
i was glued to the tv sunday evening as storms passed nearby us. a tornado touched down in edmond (about 45 minutes north of us), then moved on to do greater damage in shawnee (about an hour northeast of us).
i knew we were supposed to have bad weather again monday night, but surely it wouldn't be tornadoes again, right? surely it'd just be a thunderstorm? maybe some strong wind and hail?
i didn't think the weather was supposed to get bad yesterday until around dinnertime, so yesterday afternoon i was in my little home office working as usual. chris had come home for lunch and was working in the living room. i was on a phone call with my boss, and it wasn't even raining outside, when seemingly out of nowhere the tornado siren went off. chris immediately started watching the weather coverage while i stayed on my phone call (shocking, right?!). he came in and updated me a saying, "it looks like there are two storms. one should pass just north of us, and one should pass just south of us. everything's gonna be fine." it still wasn't even raining outside my window. my boss and i were nearing the end of our phone meeting when the sirens went off again. that was it, i had to go.
about the time i walked into the living room to figure out what was going on was about the time the massive tornado was doing its damage in moore... literally just 10-15 minutes away from us. we couldn't take our eyes off the screen as they showed live footage of the horrific destruction. pretty soon after that, our tv cut to the black and white fuzzy screen and our internet dropped. we made our way to a friend's house who still had cable and internet, watched some more coverage, realized we weren't in danger of any more storms, and resorted to pizza and parks&rec for the rest of the night. i never cried. i wasn't emotional. i think i was in shock and selfishly just thankful we were okay in norman.
today has been a different story. i've been wiping tears all day. my heart is just so heavy. i'm trying to work, but it's raining and thundering again outside which is disturbing to say the least, and i can't seem to turn the news coverage off in the other room, so my background noise all day has been stories of people just up the interstate from us whose lives were forever changed in a matter of minutes yesterday. the vastness of the destruction overwhelms me. the individual stories break me. those children -- it's just too much.
i'm not trying to pretend like this is my story to grieve or that i'm in any way a victim of this tragedy. please don't hear that. please don't be sad for me. i'm just trying to process by writing, and i guess "process" is what you call trying so hard to wrap my mind around this new reality just north of us and wrestling with this looming heaviness in my heart.
i'm heavy from the stories -- the children, the teachers, the parents, the first responders.
i'm heavy from trying to figure out how we can possibly help when the need is so great. no option seems like enough, but doing nothing isn't an option.
i'm heavy from feeling guilty that i want to act like it's a normal day and go for a walk on campus when it gets sunny later, but i'll be walking passed dorms where families are staying who are now homeless.
i'm heavy when i consider that the God who created the universe shares in our grief and suffers the impossible with us. it takes my breath away.
even in the heaviness there is hope.
a pastor friend of ours in moore survived with his family, but they completely lost their house -- i mean, everything. a friend of ours went and bought them underwear and other immediate necessities this morning. underwear, y'all. they lost everything. he posted a photo this morning of the remains of his house and his caption said, "jesus is better than everything i used to own."
today, we sit in heaviness. tomorrow, we start meagerly attempting to help with recovery efforts. thanks to all who have asked how to come alongside us and our church as we try to help. we'll keep you posted as we hear of opportunities. above all else, please pray for the people of moore!
i was glued to the tv sunday evening as storms passed nearby us. a tornado touched down in edmond (about 45 minutes north of us), then moved on to do greater damage in shawnee (about an hour northeast of us).
i knew we were supposed to have bad weather again monday night, but surely it wouldn't be tornadoes again, right? surely it'd just be a thunderstorm? maybe some strong wind and hail?
i didn't think the weather was supposed to get bad yesterday until around dinnertime, so yesterday afternoon i was in my little home office working as usual. chris had come home for lunch and was working in the living room. i was on a phone call with my boss, and it wasn't even raining outside, when seemingly out of nowhere the tornado siren went off. chris immediately started watching the weather coverage while i stayed on my phone call (shocking, right?!). he came in and updated me a saying, "it looks like there are two storms. one should pass just north of us, and one should pass just south of us. everything's gonna be fine." it still wasn't even raining outside my window. my boss and i were nearing the end of our phone meeting when the sirens went off again. that was it, i had to go.
about the time i walked into the living room to figure out what was going on was about the time the massive tornado was doing its damage in moore... literally just 10-15 minutes away from us. we couldn't take our eyes off the screen as they showed live footage of the horrific destruction. pretty soon after that, our tv cut to the black and white fuzzy screen and our internet dropped. we made our way to a friend's house who still had cable and internet, watched some more coverage, realized we weren't in danger of any more storms, and resorted to pizza and parks&rec for the rest of the night. i never cried. i wasn't emotional. i think i was in shock and selfishly just thankful we were okay in norman.
today has been a different story. i've been wiping tears all day. my heart is just so heavy. i'm trying to work, but it's raining and thundering again outside which is disturbing to say the least, and i can't seem to turn the news coverage off in the other room, so my background noise all day has been stories of people just up the interstate from us whose lives were forever changed in a matter of minutes yesterday. the vastness of the destruction overwhelms me. the individual stories break me. those children -- it's just too much.
i'm not trying to pretend like this is my story to grieve or that i'm in any way a victim of this tragedy. please don't hear that. please don't be sad for me. i'm just trying to process by writing, and i guess "process" is what you call trying so hard to wrap my mind around this new reality just north of us and wrestling with this looming heaviness in my heart.
i'm heavy from the stories -- the children, the teachers, the parents, the first responders.
i'm heavy from trying to figure out how we can possibly help when the need is so great. no option seems like enough, but doing nothing isn't an option.
i'm heavy from feeling guilty that i want to act like it's a normal day and go for a walk on campus when it gets sunny later, but i'll be walking passed dorms where families are staying who are now homeless.
i'm heavy when i consider that the God who created the universe shares in our grief and suffers the impossible with us. it takes my breath away.
even in the heaviness there is hope.
a pastor friend of ours in moore survived with his family, but they completely lost their house -- i mean, everything. a friend of ours went and bought them underwear and other immediate necessities this morning. underwear, y'all. they lost everything. he posted a photo this morning of the remains of his house and his caption said, "jesus is better than everything i used to own."
today, we sit in heaviness. tomorrow, we start meagerly attempting to help with recovery efforts. thanks to all who have asked how to come alongside us and our church as we try to help. we'll keep you posted as we hear of opportunities. above all else, please pray for the people of moore!
No comments:
Post a Comment