mercy.

in my covenant group at truett we’ve been talking about the jesus prayer for the last few weeks. “jesus christ, son of god, have mercy on me, for I am a sinner.”

i’ve been thinking a lot about the word “mercy.”

when i think of “mercy” i think of a bully twisting a kid’s arm until the kid screams, “mercy!” maybe i’m crazy, but sometimes i feel like life is like that. on the hard days, when i feel like i can’t take it anymore, i want to just scream for mercy. but i can’t take that analogy too far, because who does that mean is twisting my arm? god? surely not, right?

i want to believe that “the lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (psalm 103.8).

but in exodus 33.19 he says to moses, “i will be gracious to whom i will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom i will show mercy.” yikes. what do we even do with that? pick me, pick me!

of course, who am i to question? he’s god, so he can do what he wants. and the essence of mercy is that it is undeserved, right? so who am i to think that i even deserve it? and perhaps he’s given it but i don’t recognize it or know how to receive it.

at the end of the day, maybe it doesn’t matter what i feel or what i think. perhaps the bottom-line is that i have to believe that he is good, no matter what. in my mind, that means i have to sweep everything else under the rug and pretend like everything’s okay. but maybe it’s not like that. i think the confession of his goodness has to happen when everything’s a mess, not when it’s tied up with a pretty bow.

“for the lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations” (psalm 100.5).