faith.

d.l. moody:

"i prayed for faith and thought that some day it would come down and strike me like lightning. but faith didn't seem to come. one day i read in romans that 'faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of god.' i had up to this time, closed my bible and prayed for faith. now i opened my bible and began to study and faith has been growing ever since." 

still overwhelmed.

in the last few days that i've been home, faces and events from my summer have been on constant replay in my mind. i feel like i can't really explain my experiences at kaa and in ethiopia, which doesn't help the fact that i feel like no one can really understand them. 

at kaa, for three whole months, i lived with, worked alongside of, ministered to, and became good friends with people of completely different lifestyles and backgrounds than my own. i worked hard and sweat a lot, learning what servanthood and humility really look like. i was surrounded by people that weren't the most theologically educated, but they certainly knew how to love jesus and how to serve him--and how many people that are theologically educated only talk about those things? for three months, i lived in a world where all that mattered was loving god and serving him. my main responsibilities were to love god and to love my girls, to serve the kampers and counselors and to work with an incredible leadership team. pretty good job description, eh?

then i went to ethiopia, where for a solid week i surrounded myself with people who also love god. these people were truly trying to figure out the meaning of james 1.27. my eyes literally saw some unbelievable things--beautiful faces, rich culture, extreme poverty. my ears heard the laughter of children, the cries of babies, and the conversations of american couples desiring to glorify god with what he has given them--seeking to be not merely donors, but rather stewards. i was so convicted to evaluate my own life--my resources, my gifts, my education, my time, my life experiences--and to figure out how to really be a good steward of who i am and what i've been given. it takes me back to romans 11.36. 

all summer i felt such a sense of purpose, such an ability to see clearly how god was working and how i could be a part of it. now, i feel so helpless and so disconnected from what i saw this summer. comparatively, i feel like my life now lacks direction and purpose, and i'm not really sure where to go from here. i want my life to have meaning. i want it to count for something...but what does that really look like? 

ethiopia.

so literally 24 hours after i left kamp, i was at dfw hopping on a plane to ethiopia. my life is not real. i was in ethiopia with buckner international august 7th-15th and now i'm home until school starts back up on the 24th.

coming off such an intense summer, i'm just really overwhelmed. physically, i'm exhausted. emotionally, i feel like my heart has been pulled in a million different directions in the last 3 months, and i'm not sure where that leaves me now. spiritually, i think i've known the lord in a new way this summer. i've tasted and seen his goodness, but i'm scared i'll soon find myself where i was before this summer began. 

ethiopia was unbelievable. i've dreamed of going to africa, and i've dreamed of traveling with some of those friends, so i knew it would be a phenomenal trip, but it even surpassed my expectations. the ethiopian people are easily the most beautiful i've ever seen. it's hard to think of any other word to describe the trip but OVERWHELMING. i was amazed to see the ways god is working in that country. i was inspired by the faith and hope and love of the believers there. 

hopefully, i'll have more thoughts for you later, but so far i haven't gotten much further than this. sara groves sums up a lot of my thoughts/feelings in her song, "i saw what i saw." download it.