mighty god.

remember how i decided to start a little mini blog series on isaiah 9.6? funny that it's taken me a month to write the second one... oops. typical. so, here's the verse again:

"for to us a child is born,

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

-- isaiah 9.6

honestly, one of the reasons i put off continuing this series is that i knew i had to write about jesus coming as Mighty God, but at the time, i knew i was struggling to believe that he was mighty, so i felt like a hypocrite writing about it. for example, when i am anxious, i'm actively not believing that jesus is in control or that he can take care of me (thus, not mighty... or at least not mighty enough... yikes). then it hit me -- no matter when i write about this, it will be hypocritical -- i'm never going to fully grasp these truths to the point of not ever struggling to believe them. so, as you read these words, know that i fully believe them as truth, but my flesh is weak when it comes to living like i believe them.

when i think about what it means that jesus is to be called Mighty God, a few words come to mind: sovereign, powerful, in control, holy, glorious... completely other, completely unlike us. when i think of jesus as Mighty God, i think of passages like colossians 1.15-20 and verses like hebrews 1.3: "he is the radiance of the glory of god and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power." jesus upholds the universe by the word of his power -- i mean, WOW. if in him all things are held together and he is preeminent in everything, i think he can hold my life together and be preeminent in my life. if he upholds the universe, i think he is powerful enough to uphold my life.

this is why the incarnation is so utterly baffling. this same jesus -- through and for whom all things were created -- came to earth as a BABY. as much as i love my sweet little 7-month-old nephew, the bottom-line is that he does absolutely nothing for me. he sleeps, eats, and cries... and that's about it. this is how jesus came! and when all he could do was sleep, eat, and cry, people were coming and bowing at his feet in WORSHIP -- because they recognized him as Mighty God.

today's entry in jesus calling communicates this same idea:

I am King of kings and Lord of lords, dwelling in dazzling bright Light! I am also your Shepherd, Companion, and Friend -- the One who never lets go of your hand. Worship Me in My holy Majesty; come close to Me, and rest in My Presence. You need Me both as God and as Man. Only My Incarnation on that first, long-ago Christmas could fulfill your neediness. Since I went to such extreme measures to save you from your sins, you can be assured that I will graciously give you all you need.

Nurture well your trust in Me as Savior, Lord, and Friend. I have held back nothing in My provision for you. I have even deigned to live within you! Rejoice in all that I have done for you, and My Light will shine through you into the world.

instead of striving to understand the incarnation intellectually or academically, this year i'm striving simply to rest in the reality of it -- to believe it, to allow it to move my heart to worship -- to worship the Mighty God that came to us as a baby.

wonderful counselor.

"for to us a child is born,

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

-- isaiah 9.6

{ if reading that verse doesn't immediately make

this song

get stuck in your head,

i feel deeply sorry for you. }

this verse gets a lot of attention this time of year, as it is believed to be a prophecy about the coming messiah -- jesus christ. i've decided to spend some time this year focusing on these four names isaiah ascribes to him -- starting, of course, with Wonderful Counselor.

honestly, i think i understand christ as my Wonderful Counselor more this christmas season than perhaps i ever have. for most of 2011, chris and i felt quite directionless. we knew we wanted to get married, but we had no idea where we were going to live or how we were going to pay rent once we got there. we didn't decide on norman until about 6 weeks before the wedding, and we didn't have a source of income until about 6 days before the wedding. needless to say, we were in desperate need of a wise adviser, a knowledgable guide, a Wonderful Counselor.

paul e. miller, in his book a praying life, writes, "i prefer the biblical term wisdom to our more common term guidance. guidance means i'm driving the car and asking god which way to go. wisdom is richer, more personal. i don't just need help with my plans; i need help with my questions and even my own heart" (145). seeking the lord as my Wonderful Counselor and asking him for wisdom requires my recognition that he is the one driving the car -- not me. it is an act of relinquishing control -- even the desire for control -- and submitting to his plans for my life... but my goodness, it's hard to get to that place.

i met with a christian counselor for about 10 weeks this summer. let's be honest, i probably should have done this years ago, but i had such a stigma against counseling. stigmas and stereotypes are the worst. they lead to all kinds of silly assumptions and missed opportunities. for the record, meeting with her was easily one of the best decisions i've ever made -- ever. as a third party, she was able to speak boatloads of truth into my life and to point me to the Wonderful Counselor more than any other person would have been able to during that season. he was counseling me, calling out to me, leading me, and speaking to me through her. i write this hoping that it will tear down the stigma against counseling for at least one person -- i have seen the lord use it in huge ways in my own life, as well as in the lives of several friends.

this christmas season, i am thankful that jesus came as the Wonderful Counselor. i am thankful that the lord of the universe even cares to be lord of my little ol' life. i am thankful that he speaks through earthly counselors. i am continually praying for the desire to relinquish control -- that's such a hard one for me! -- and the humility to submit to his infinite wisdom.

oaxaca.

i just got back from spending a few days in oaxaca, mexico on a buckner international trip. the group was made up of some incredible women who love to laugh and love to love on children. it was a BLAST. here are all the mother/daughter duos:

and, of course, my favorite mother/daughter duo:

buckner mexico is doing great work. they have multiple community transformation centers, feeding programs, and orphan homes. they're also helping families provide for themselves by giving them chicken coops and greenhouses and teaching them the skills to operate these things. it was pretty amazing to see. our time was mostly spent seeing the ministries, but also participating in them. we helped with the feeding programs, then did some crafts and stories to teach hygiene skills to the moms and children at the community transformation centers. i could post 100 pictures of the beautiful children there, but this girl might have been my favorite little cutie:

oh and did i mention that we got to see the biggest tree in the world?!? if you know me, you know i love trees, so of course i loved it. this thing was HUGE! this is all the same tree:

and finally, last night i returned home to my sweet husband who was apparently MISERABLE without me (just as he should've been, right?). i've been finding little notes all over the apartment this morning -- pitiful, but absolutely adorable.

thankful for another great trip. thankful for good time with my mom and sweet friends. thankful to see god at work in oaxaca, mexico, and to be reminded of his missionary nature and his unfathomable love and care for the orphans of this world.

long time no see.

remember how i have a blog? oops. i'm not sure why i haven't blogged in almost six months -- maybe just flat out busyness (lame excuse). then, of course, somewhere in there it got to that awkward point that friendships get to sometimes -- like when you don't want to get in touch because you haven't talked in so long, what would you talk about? you know the feeling.

well for whatever reason, i think it's time to start it up again. but before i get into all my most recent profound thoughts (right), i think it's only appropriate to get caught up on the last six months. let's just say, a LOT has happened... we'll take it chronologically:

1. i spent one week in may at christ of the desert monastery in northwestern new mexico. it counted as a "wilderness theology" course for seminary credit. dr. gloer (a NT prof at truett) takes a small group of students each year, and this year, katelyn and i were lucky enough to make the cut! spiritually, it was one of the best weeks of my life.

2. this summer i did a mentorship with cindy wiles at GCPN (global connection partnership network). i learned so much from her and the people there about what it really looks like for mission to be done through the local church.

3. after living in longview for 30 years, my mom moved to dallas -- kinda crazy, but also kinda exciting. she's got a great place there and has already made it feel like home. i'm hopeful for her new life there.

4. i graduated from truett seminary with an m.div!! i'm DUNZO with school!! woohoo!

5. the wedding celebration began -- showers, showers, and more showers!

6. our WEDDING -- chris and i got MARRIED! i'm a BRISTER! (maybe i should change my blog address...?)

7. honeymoon in hawaii (read: paradise).

8. we moved to norman, oklahoma to help plant a church: providence road communities. norman is such a fun place -- cute college town with lots of local shops and restaurants, and only 20 minutes from okc! we really like it here and are really enjoying the prov road fam.

9. my beloved texas rangers returned to the world series only to suffer another loss. i can't really communicate how much this broke my little heart. maybe you can get a taste of it from a post i wrote last october. makes me miss my dad in a big way.

10. my sweet nephew is almost 6 months old and cuter than ever. i'm obsessed.

so those are the top 10 highlights of the last 6 months! whew! sorry for being long-winded, but it felt good to catch up. hopefully it won't take me another 6 months to write the next post, huh?

proud sister.

this post is somewhat belated, but i couldn't miss this opportunity to brag on my brothers. in one week, both of my brothers celebrated some pretty major life milestones.

on may 10th, my brother and sister-in-law welcomed their first child into the world: whitley david crowson. little whit is the cutest thing i've ever seen in my life, and being an aunt is way fun. look at this precious little guy:

congrats, luke and teri!

then, just four days later, my other brother graduated from denver seminary with a master's degree in christian formation and soul care. 3 years of hard work finally paid off!

congrats, drewby!

yep. i'm a proud sister.

mom's day.

happy mother's day to the best mom in the world.

she's quite the rock. i'm so thankful for such an incredible example of what it means to be a godly woman, wife, and mom. i'm constantly impressed by her--she's brilliant, passionate, funny, and cool--i mean, let's face it--she has square oakley glasses, wears sanuks, and reads people like donald miller and francis chan. i probably take for granted about 95% of the things she does for me, and i'm sure i don't even know half of it. she's just absolutely amazing, and i'm sad for you if you don't know her.

and last but not least... in about 2 or 3 days, she'll be a grandmother!!!! (thanks, luke and teri!!)

i love you, mom!!

justice juxtaposition.

i read this article on the resurgence written in response to the news about osama bin laden's death. it's about about loving your enemies. ouch.

at the end of the article, it articulated well exactly what i was feeling--a tension. i feel like i'm being pulled between the tension of these two verses:

proverbs 11.10: "when it goes well with the righteous, the city rejoices, and when the wicked perish there are shouts of gladness."

proverbs 24.17: "do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles."

i don't really know where to land on this. do i think justice is a good thing? well sure... but i just don't think it can possibly be right to be dancing in the streets over someone's death... no matter who he is.

praying we would know what jesus meant when he said, "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

spinning plates.

have you ever felt like this guy?

you find yourself trying to balance a handful of different things all at the same time... and just as you get one thing under control, something else needs attention, then something else, then the thing you felt like you had under control starts needing attention... and the next thing you know, you're running around like a crazy.

that's exactly what i've felt like for the last couple months. the thing is, most days i think i'm REALLY good at it. i feel like i'm awesome because i'm able to balance so many things and keep so many things under control... oh but then there are those days where i feel like all the plates have crashed and instead of being on top of everything, i find everything on top of me.

last week louie giglio tweeted: "Feel like you can't pull off what you're facing on your own? You're not alone. God agrees with you! #leanonJesus"

now i realize that tweet is super simple and maybe even a little cheesy, but when i read it, it was super convicting. i tend to think i can pull off this whole plate spinning balancing act thing on my own, but i absolutely can't.

so i don't know exactly what it practically looks like, but here's to hoping i can learn to let jesus keep my plates spinning.

yet.

i woke up this morning feeling like someone had beaten me up. i just woke up feeling so emotionally and physically spent from everything going on in my family right now.

some of it is really great...

being engaged, planning a wedding, luke getting a new job, luke and teri's baby coming in 2 months...

some of it is just stressful, not really good or bad...

selling, packing, and moving mom's house, trying to sell luke and teri's house, drew and chris looking for jobs...

and some of it is pretty terrible...

mom having a herniated disc, which led to back surgery and basically being bed-ridden for over a month, and grandmother having a stroke, open-heart surgery, another stroke, and now being in critical icu...

i mean, it's just kind of a lot... and somewhere in there i'm supposed to fit in school and work...

but on my drive back to waco this morning, god reminded me of what i think is one of the most profound passages in scripture--

habakkuk 3.17-19:

though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold,

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet i will rejoice in the lord;

i will take joy in the god of my salvation.

god, the lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet like the deer's;

he makes me tread on high places.

though i feel like i can't keep up with everything going on... yet i will rejoice in the lord.

though it seems like there's too much uncertainty and there are too many unknowns... yet i will rejoice in the lord.

why? how? because god, the lord, is our strength.

i could go on, but surely i've made my point. i hope this challenges and encourages someone else today the way it has me. your turn:

though... (fill in the blank for your own life)...

yet i will rejoice in the lord.

let the countdown begin.

big news:

chris and i are ENGAGED!!!!

i realize this is old news to everyone who reads this blog (all 3 of you), but i figured it was only appropriate to create a post about it.

he proposed on february 18th, which was very sneaky because my birthday was on the 17th, so everything was disguised as birthday celebration... we had a yummy dinner at 1424, then got coffee and strolled on campus (one of our favorite things to do together)... we sat and talked on a bench for a while... then the next thing i knew, he pulled out a really pretty ring and asked me to marry him!

i thought our plan was to go back to my house for birthday cake with katelyn and walker, but when we walked in, the house was full of people we love--family, college friends, waco friends--it was such a surprise and such a blast! he did such a great job!

now the planning has begun... and we've officially set a date: 10.01.11.

seven months from today!! we couldn't be more excited! let the countdown begin...

community.

on tuesday morning, dr. roger olson spoke at chapel on the subject of community. i didn't have super high expectations, mostly because "community" is so cliche these days and such a buzz word around truett seminary, so i wasn't thrilled about another sermon on the topic.

good news: i was pleasantly surprised.

he defined community as requiring availability, vulnerability, and accountability. after i got passed the fact that all of his points ended in "ility," i realized that he really did nail it. those things are vital in community, and when they're lacking, their absence is all too obvious.

as i listened, i tried to think about when in my life i've experienced the type of community he was discussing. i thought of the several individual relationships in my life that i could throw into this category...

...but then my mind immediately went to hanoi, vietnam.

wow. what an unbelievable group of people. i'm not even sure i could adequately put into words the type of community the 10 of us had that summer. our time together was rich, and deep, and sweet. i could not be more thankful for these people.

my favorite part of dr. olson's sermon was that he described this type of community as a rare gift, and claimed it to be a brief glimpse of heaven, a snapshot of the kingdom of god. i couldn't agree more.

fiesta.

meet katelyn and walker:

this happened on saturday night:

walker: "everything about you, marry me."

(he was nervous. clearly.)

katelyn: "sure, why not?"

(typical.)

with that, the fiesta began... mariachi band included.

it's still pretty surreal that they're actually engaged, but i couldn't be more excited for these two.

it's always fun to celebrate a best friend getting engaged...

...but i've decided it's the most fun when two best friends get engaged to each other.

congrats to two of the most fun people in my life. let's be friends always. duh.

our highest activity.

i recently came across this excerpt from the problem of pain in my daily c.s. lewis readings book and had to share it on here. i think too often i find myself trying to muster up love for god, trying to figure out how to love him in the best way i possibly can--when in reality, to love him is to respond to his love.

If the world exists not chiefly that we may love God but that God may love us, yet that very fact, on a deeper level, is so for our sakes. If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed. Before and behind all the relations of God to man, as we now learn them from Christianity, yawns the abyss of a Divine act of pure giving--the election of man, from nonentity, to be the beloved of God, and therefore (in some sense) the needed and desired of God, who but for that act needs and desires nothing, since He eternally has, and is, all goodness. And that act is for our sakes. It is good for us to know love; and best for us to know the love of the best object, God. But to know it as a love in which we were primarily the wooers and God the wooed, in which we sought and He was found, in which His conformity to our needs, not ours to His, came first, would be to know it in a form false to the very nature of things. For we are only creatures: our role must always be that of patient to agent, female to male, mirror to light, echo to voice. Our highest activity must be response, not initiative. To experience the love of God in a true, and not an illusory form, is therefore to experience it as our surrender to His demand, our conformity to His desire: to experience it in the opposite way is, as it were, a solecism against the grammar of being.

thankful for this reminder of god's inexplicable love for me--a love which demands my love and surrender in response.

2 corinthians 1.3-4.

"blessed be the god and father of our lord jesus christ, the father of mercies and god of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by god."

i remember a few years ago thinking that there was absolutely no way that god could ever use my pain and my grief for good. the only way i could possibly imagine any good coming from it was if i could somehow be in a place where it could be used to benefit someone else in their grief...but the thought that i would ever be in that place was literally unfathomable. i was too early in my own grief process to imagine being able to speak into anyone else's.

i knew, however, that it wasn't really an option. when you enter this type of grief, it's almost like you've become a member of a club, and this is one of the membership requirements. you've got to walk alongside the new members and share with them what you've learned. that's just part of it. i could not be more thankful for the people who have done this for me--mary catherine burson, meg beasley, jessica stowell, liz dewberry, eryn humphrey, erin groth....

one of my best friends from home, whitney, lost her mom suddenly and unexpectedly on friday morning. needless to say, my heart has been HEAVY the last few days--heavy from hurting for whitney and her family, heavy from knowing the road of grief she's about to walk, and heavy from the weight of responsibility i feel to walk that road with her. these have been some of the hardest days i've had in a while, as so many memories and feelings have come to surface that i haven't thought about or felt in months. but i have to believe that it's worth it. i have to believe that this is one of the ways god may choose to use my grief for his good. i have to believe that this is what paul was talking about in 2 corinthians.

i can only hope to encourage whitney in the way that so many have encouraged me in the last few years. pray for me as i seek to know the god of all comfort and strive to encourage whitney to lean into him continually. more importantly, please pray for whitney and the mcmahon family in these days.

glimpse.

i hope this video that my brother made gives you a little glimpse into our time in ethiopia. i love the songs that he used. enjoy!

Ethiopia 2010 from Drew Crowson on Vimeo.

foundation.

as i stood in church yesterday, shoulder to shoulder with my family, i was suddenly incredibly overwhelmed. the congregation was singing songs about the faithfulness of god, and i realized that my family was standing there as a living testimony of what it means to endure trials by faith. no one would have blamed us if we had walked away from everything...but, by the grace of god, we didn't. so i stood there yesterday, rejoicing that we as a family were still standing on him alone as our rock.

but funny how quickly my mind can turn on me, for "the heart is deceitful above all things; and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (jeremiah 17.9). i soon found myself thinking about 2011 and what a crazy year it might be for my family. mom could sell her house and move to dallas. luke and teri will have a baby. luke could be looking for a new job. both drew and i will graduate from seminary. both drew and i will be moving and looking for jobs. dating a boy could turn into planning a wedding. and all of this just in 2011. suddenly, everything about the future seemed incredibly uncertain and i felt like i was losing my footing.

then we sang this hymn. once you get passed all the thees and thous, the lyrics are really good and exactly the reminder that i needed. i hope they encourage you today, too:

how firm a foundation, ye saints of the lord,

is laid for your faith in his excellent word!

what more can he say than to you he hath said--

to you who for refuge to jesus have fled?

"fear not, i am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,

for i am they god, and will still give thee aid;

i'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

upheld by my gracious, omnipotent hand.

"when through the deep waters i call thee to go,

the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;

for i will be with thee thy trouble to bless,

and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"when through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

my grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;

the flame shall not harm thee; i only design

thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

"the soul that on jesus doth lean for repose,

i will not, i will not desert to his foes;

that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

i'll never, no never, no never forsake."

thankful for these promises as i look back over the last four years.

thankful for these promises as i walk into 2011.

faces.

after 24 hours of flying, we made it back to texas last night. it's good to be home, but i can't get these sweet faces out of my mind:

aren't they just absolutely beautiful?!

more thoughts from the trip to come...