father's day lightbulbs.

you would think that since sunday was my 6th (weird) father's day without dad that it wouldn't be that big of a deal. you would be wrong. it just never gets normal. but thankfully, this one was for sure better than most. on the first couple of father's days without dad, i don't think i ventured far from my bed -- and i certainly wasn't about to go to church and see all the happy little families sitting together. praise the Lord (seriously) that those painful days are for the most part behind me.

i woke up sunday morning and was immediately bombarded by instagram after instagram, tweet after tweet, facebook update after facebook update of people talking about how great their dads are and posting cute pictures of them together. of course my immediate, initial response was envy and anger -- and i especially hated the ones of girls on their wedding day with their dads, as they only reminded me of my dad's absence at mine.

but throughout the day as i continued to see the slew of posts, my perspective changed a little (seriously only by the grace of God). i read people's posts about their dads -- everyone claiming to have the best, most loving, wonderful, incredible, superman dad ever. then the lightbulb went off: i had one of those dads. i had a dad that would put all other dads to shame. i thought he was superman. i thought he loved my mom and his kids better than any other man had ever loved his wife and children. i was (and still am) so obnoxiously proud to be his daughter.

auburn baseball game, spring 2006

and you know what? (insert second lightbulb going off.) there are way too many people on this earth that can't say that. WAY TOO MANY. my heart aches for the 147 million orphans in this world -- orphans who are no longer just a stat to me, but have faces and names engraved in my mind forever. but let's be honest, it's not just the orphans in third-world countries who are fatherless. anyone reading this blog can probably name at least a handful of friends/family whose dads just flat out stink. maybe yours stinks. it just makes me sick.

i'm so thankful to have had a dad who was such a beautiful picture of the Heavenly Father. and this father's day more than ever, i'm thankful for a Heavenly Father that loves the earthly orphans and fatherless.

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation." -- Psalm 68.5 (ESV)
"Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close." -- Psalm 27:10 (NLT)

introverts in the church.

i like chocolate; chris likes vanilla.
i like to eat healthy; chris could eat fast food every day.
i don't know what i'm doing this afternoon; chris has 5- and 10-year plans.
i like to try new things; chris is a creature of habit.

i could literally keep going for pages and pages. it's outrageous how different we are on almost everything. i think it's our biggest strength as a team, because we balance each other out, but it also causes most of our struggles, because figuring out how to live with someone so opposite of you isn't always easy.

many of our differences can be summed up in this sentence: i am an extrovert; chris is an introvert. we are seriously fascinated and baffled by each other's personalities, because they're so unlike our own. i'm always on the lookout for insights into introversion, trying to understand it better and trying to learn how to love my husband well. so when chris recently read a book entitled Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, i was eager to get my hands on it as soon as he finished.

i 100% think you should read this book if you either are an introvert or if you're married to an introvert... and i absolutely think that EVERYONE in christian ministry should read it -- introvert or not. chris found incredible freedom through this book, and i gained immense insight into his world.

i had never realized how extroverted in nature the american evangelical church is. we value doers over thinkers, talking over listening, community over solitude, and outward expressions of emotion over internal processing. look at a typical worship service -- we're all about the meet and greet time (which makes introverts' skin crawl), but when is the last time you went to a service that held silence for a significant amount of time? the extrovert in me is uncomfortable just thinking about that!

one of the areas in which this bias is most obvious is leadership. think about it: when you think of the ideal pastor (or youth minister or whatever), what qualities do you think of? it's probably someone who has charisma, is gregarious, has a magnetic personality, and can work a room. but what about someone who is consistent, disciplined, fiercely loyal in relationships, loves to study, and doesn't mind if his work goes unnoticed? whether in leadership or in life, there are SO many introvert qualities that we extroverts would do well to learn from, and at the very least, appreciate. a few examples: listening (in conversations and in prayer), regularly practicing silence and solitude, thinking before responding to conflict rather than reacting, doing a few things well rather than spreading ourselves too thin, serving behind-the-scenes rather than wanting attention... and the list goes on.

obviously, the world needs both extroverts and introverts -- and the church most certainly needs both. a healthy church would be one that recognizes, values, and utilizes the gifts and strengths of both, a church that evaluates its leaders based on faithfulness to calling rather than personality type. as mchugh writes, "When introverts and extroverts are mutually celebrated, not only in word but also in practice, both the depth of the church's ministry and the breadth of her witness are enhanced." yes please!!

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if you're interested in learning more about this introvert/extrovert conversation (in our culture in general, not specifically in the context of the church), then PLEASE check out this ted talk. it's fantastic and absolutely worth 19 minutes of your time. enjoy.

back roads.

this last weekend the husband and i made a road trip to arkansas. his friend from tech, john (who chris calls "pocket" -- weirdest nickname ever), married a girl from camden, arkansas... home of none other than coach tommy tuberville (who has coached at both tech AND auburn -- major brister win). war eagle.

the drive from norman to camden was a whoppin' 6.5 hours of two-lane roads. chris and i have spent more than our fair share of time on I-35 -- the whole time we dated i lived in waco and he lived in austin, then dallas -- then we got married and moved to norman and both of our families live in dallas. i mean, that's just too much, y'all... especially when I-35 is only interesting for about no seconds. so when i realized our entire drive to arkansas was going to look like this:

i was THRILLED. it was like a treasure hunt! we were turning every 30ish miles from one back road to another... small towns, beautiful scenery, no cell phone service, country music on the radio... we were loving it.

so after a fun, quick weekend (chris got some much-needed guy time and i always enjoy a good wedding), we were on the road again back to norman. another 6.5 hours of two-lane roads... except this time, we were less romanced by the open roads. after about 30 minutes, we were wishing for interstate. chris was sick of driving 35 mph through small towns, and i was sick of staring at the map having to navigate.

too often i wish for the interstate in life. i want whatever is quickest and most convenient. i don't want to have to think about it; i just want to put it in cruise control and go. but is that real life? and if i step back and gain even the tiniest amount of perspective, do i really desire that?

i think my life right now looks a lot like back roads driving. i'm learning that it's much more about experiencing the journey than reaching the destination. what's character-building is not always the most convenient -- in fact, it may be quite the opposite: "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (romans 5.3-4). perhaps the back roads in life -- the constant turns and changes of direction, the feeling like you're out in the middle of nowhere disconnected from everyone besides the person in the seat next to you, and, of course, the impatient "are we there yet?"s -- are actually good for the soul. 

and speaking of the person in the seat next to me... i'm so thankful i get to be on this journey with him, sometimes loving and sometimes just enduring the back roads.

may we learn how to lean into this journey together, trusting the Lord to develop in us perseverance, character, and hope.