already all i need.

we're talking about spiritual disciplines right now at providence road, and last night i got to hear the most wonderfully well-spoken, incredibly attractive preacher (okay, okay, my husband) speak on silence and solitude. i wanted to steal the mic and just tell everyone to book flights to santa fe so we could all go to the monastery. gosh, i miss that place (see another post on it here). one of these days, i WILL go back, and i'm taking chris with me -- and i'm pretty sure we could get katelyn and walker to go with us (i would love to tell people we're taking a couples vacay to a monastery -- ha!).

it is just so hard to find even a tiny bit of silence or solitude in our crazy loud culture. i've noticed that even when i do fight for that time, i may be still and quiet, but my mind is still racing. so then, to focus, i start praying -- and by that i mean, asking. i've noticed recently that i ask God for a LOT. i'm constantly telling him my concerns/worries/needs (as if he doesn't already know them) and asking him (telling him?) to do something about them.

i went to sleep last night doing some of this praying asking, and woke up this morning still thinking about it. remembering chris' sermon from last night, i just stopped and tried to still my soul. a funny thing happens when you stop talking -- it makes room for other people to speak up -- crazy, huh?! in that moment, i was quickly reminded of exodus 3, when moses asked God his name. "God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM... This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations." sometimes i wonder if he wants to scream that in my ear.

i need a friend. I AM.
i need peace. I AM.
i need someone who understands me. I AM.
i need joy. I AM.
i need financial provision. I AM.
i need purpose. I AM.
and the list goes on and on and on and on and on...

hello conviction. it seems like such a simple idea, but i've found it's one of those things that's easy to know in your head, but hard to believe in your heart, and even more difficult to live out in your life. it reminds me of one of my new go-to songs. if you're like me and the Lord speaks most clearly to you through song lyrics (especially if they're sung by christy nockels), then expect this one to do a number on your soul.

asking where you are, Lord, wondering where you've been

is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind.

and hoping for your mercy to meet me where i am

is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand.

you fill the sun with morning light

you bid the moon to lead the night

you clothe the lilies bright and beautiful

(chorus)

walking through this life without your freedom in my heart

is like holding on to shackles that you have torn apart.

so remind me of your promises and all that you have done.

in this world i will have trouble, but you have overcome.

and every gift that i receive you determine just for me,

but nothing i desire compares to you.

(chorus)

in your fullness, you're my all in all.

in your healing, i'm forever made whole.

in your freedom, your love overflows

and carries me, you carry me.

you're already all i need,

already everything that i could hope for,

you're already all i need.

you've already set me free,

already making me more like you.

you're already all i need, jesus,

you're already all i need.