dear bo.

dear bo,

we are days away from your arrival. less than 48 hours until we finally get to meet you. it is the most surreal thing ever. it feels like all we do is talk about you. we can't wait to know what you look like and what you'll be like. 

we are off-the-charts excited but equally off-the-charts nervous. we have no idea what we're doing. for example, one time when we were babysitting for a friend, we tag-teamed a diaper change and put the child's diaper on backwards. i'm sorry, bo, but this is the level of baby expertise you're gonna have to deal with.

i think it's okay though. gigi says the manual comes with the baby, meaning you just figure it out and learn as you go when the baby comes. i believe it. i don't want to read books on how to be the perfect parent (in fact, i've read zero -- oops). i just want to figure out how to be the best parent for you. your dad reminds me of that all the time. he's much better than i am at not worrying about comparisons or others' opinions. i hope you pick that up from him. 

speaking of your dad, he could not be more excited about you. he already loves you so much and is so proud of you. the first week of your life is going to be a big one in the sports world -- the college basketball national championship, the masters, and baseball opening day. for months he's been talking about how he can't wait to watch it all with you. i haven't had the heart to tell him you'll probably sleep through everything. 

you just kicked me again. it feels like you're running out of room in there and are trying to kick and elbow your way into more space. i will never get over feeling you move. it is just the coolest thing. it reminds me all over again what a miracle pregnancy is. i will never get over how perfectly God designed it all. it's funny to me how the mom gets all the credit for doing all the hard work in pregnancy. yes, i've had my fair share of backaches and heartburn, but i've had zero to do with the actual intricacies of your development. it has been such a clear reminder of how absolutely not in control i am -- a reminder i'm sure i will need often throughout your life. God alone is the one who created you and has been knitting you together (psalm 139). God alone knows the days of your life and the hairs on your head -- i'm praying for lots of them, and hopefully curly (psalm 139, matthew 10). God alone is the one who will give you life and breath and everything (acts 17). 

we pray for you all the time, bo, although i confess it's easier for me to worry than to pray. i'm prone to fear and to expect the worst case scenario. but what i'm learning, and what i hope you learn, is that worry is a waste of time and energy (because again, i'm not in control), and fear is a liar and a thief. it distorts the truth about God's character and steals my joy. praise God that in his grace and mercy he offers a different way -- a life of freedom and joy because of the death and resurrection of Jesus. we don't have to be afraid, because he is trustworthy, faithful, and abounding in steadfast love. i pray you will come to know this about God. I pray that one day you will become so enamored with who Jesus is and what he's done for you that everything this world has to offer will pale in comparison. i pray you will be so sure of his love for you that you will be bold and courageous (like your [middle] name's sake, Joshua).

you are so loved already, sweet boy. the nursery is ready, the car seat is in the car, your grandparents are coming tomorrow, and we are all counting down the minutes until we meet you on monday.

photos by kate bernard photography