and maybe explore all the buckner sites while you're at it. you'll love it.
6.30.2008
expecting much
well good news—i’m really enjoying the internship. it’s really an incredible experience. and the greatest thing is that it’s turned into quite a mentorship wrapped up in the package of an internship. i couldn’t be more grateful.
the best aspect of the summer has been the fact that instead of just staying locked up in my broom closet-turned intern’s office all day everyday, he’s letting me kinda explore the whole ministry and see what all the different branches do. some examples: one week we did some donor visits, which exposed me to the buckner foundation side of things. i’m not so sure i’m called to that aspect of ministry—asking people for money. another week, he sent me to memphis with a team from the external affairs department. we set up a buckner booth at the cooperative baptist fellowship annual meeting. this exposed me to the marketing/pr side of things. i was all about it—i mean, how could i not be? i could talk about the work of buckner for hours. it was really fun to meet so many people, but maybe kinda bizarre to be surrounded by thousands of baptists in the same place at the same time—slightly overwhelming slash claustrophobic? i believe “interesting” was my word of choice those couple of days. sometimes i wonder if our generation will continue those types of things—i lean towards no, but we’ll see. last week, i got to attend a buckner adoption workshop one night. i loved meeting couples who were anxious yet eager (thanks, sarah) about potentially adopting a child into their home. also last week, they sent me to the shoe warehouse for a couple of days. buckner has a ministry called “shoes for orphan souls." basically, donations of shoes and humanitarian aid are received from all 50 states then shipped to almost 60 countries around the world. this warehouse is literally about the size of a walmart. that’s also the location for their dallas area crisis relief center. they serve 5 zip codes with clothes, food, and other needs. pretty incredible.
if you know me, you know that my favorite thing in all of this has been meeting the people involved in this ministry. if i’m having a slow day in the office, or sitting at a booth in memphis or taking a waterbreak at the warehouse, i’ll find someone and drill them with questions about what they do and why they do it. it has been unbelievably challenging and encouraging.
the director of the shoe warehouse/crisis relief center is a man named Jackie Belt. he’s been with buckner for over 25 years in all different areas, starting as a foster home house parent. his heart is gold and his stories are unbelievable—really. how about this story—a boy was getting a new wheelchair, so he donated his old one to buckner—but it wasn’t just any wheelchair, it had all the bells and whistles with red and gold detail, and his name stitched on the back—“Cory.” a couple of days later, a mom came in crying about how her son needed a wheelchair. Jackie took her to the back and showed her the one they had gotten and she went silent. her son’s name was Cory—WHAT?! he told me story after story like this—things that can only be explained by the hand of God. i would laugh, almost out of disbelief, but the incredible thing is that Jackie was never surprised by these things. he kept saying what a blessing it was to be in his position and to get to see God work in such beautiful ways. he expects God to work and act like that—essentially to be God, to be who He says He is. and maybe that’s just it—maybe i believe God exists, but do i believe Him enough to expect much from Him? and this expectation isn’t out of thinking we’ve done anything to deserve it, but rather, realizing we don’t and recognizing in our inability, He is able—because of His abounding grace, and really, just because of who He is.
oh to have the faith of Jackie Belt. what if I didn’t just believe promises enough to agree with them but enough to truly claim them and live by them? when I pray, am i just wishing and hoping that He’s actually there and maybe even listening? or am I believing and expecting? according to james 1, let’s lean toward the latter.
6.11.2008
thoughts from the prez.
well i made it to dallas and i'm about a week and a half into my 10 week internship. so far, so good. needless to say, i need to write a new post soon because i have a ton of thoughts i'd love to put into words for the 2 of you that read this. meanwhile, i thought i'd let you in on someone else's thoughts...
i've been working a lot with the trustee information at buckner--like their files, minutes, future meetings, etc. i loved reading the president's report, of course. here are some of his wise words from 10 years ago that i found incredibly encouraging...
"Jeremiah 32:27 is a passage that could have been used to apply to a lot of different circumstances, but the truth is, God is in the business of redeeming broken lives. That is what He does. He performs His work in the lives of people who need Him. That is the whole plan of creation since the fall of man, that God would redeem lost mankind unto Himself. That is what it is all about.
Sometimes in the issues that we deal with, I think we feel like it is too big of an issue or too big of a problem, too big of a need that is out there that we need to address and it has no solution. The question that God asked Jeremiah in Jeremiah's whining about his problems was, 'Jeremiah, is anything too hard for me?'
That is the answer Buckner is trying to give to a world--that there is nothing you can do that will ever separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus, that there is never a time a victim of circumstance should ever feel like God does not love them or have a plan for their life; whether it be that child...that family...an elderly...
For all of those people, the message of the gospel is that God loves you and God has a plan for your life, and that God wants you to feel His presence and His touch and His care. It is Buckner's job, one of God's instruments, to be expressing that love to this world."
--KLH, April 1998
here's another thought:
"...we have a Savior, we have a King, a Master, and Leader who IS the change agent of the world but yet is changeless. Change is part of what goes on, but yet, the Scripture does tell us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
--KLH, July 1998
great reminders about who He is in tough circumstances, changing circumstances...all circumstances, really. hope you're encouraged!
5.23.2008
standing on grace
funny that i haven't posted anything in almost a month...and it's been quite a month. i've graduated from college, said good-bye to all my auburn friends, packed up the beach house, went to the beach for a few days, moved back home, and will move to dallas and start my internship june 2. crazy.
those last few days in auburn were pretty intense. as if graduating and leaving friends wasn't hard enough, dad's absence was more painful than it has been in a while. and leaving auburn was more than just saying bye to college buds--these people have walked with me in the lowest point of my life. there's such a fear of losing them and facing new people that don't know my story.
i went to panama city beach for a few days with some friends. standing on the shoreline and looking out over the ocean never fails to make feel unbelievably small in comparison to how big my God is. it astounds me to see all of creation revealing the characteristics of God--like Paul says in romans 1.20.
i was mesmerized by the waves. they are so constant. they reminded me of God's faithfulness--how consistent and unchanging He is. the waves will never NOT crash onto the shore. that's the nature of waves, right? so no matter what i feel or think, God will never NOT be faithful, it's His nature. the waves also reminded me of the ebb and flow of life--sometimes calm, sometimes crashing, but always moving. there's somewhat of a comfort from the fact that life keeps going. sometimes i want to throw the brakes on and camp out here for a while, but life doesn't work like that...and as much as i can hate that fact, i think it's actually a good thing. in james 1 and ephesians 4, waves are used to illustrate those who doubt. ouch. i get really frustrated by this because in my pride, i don't want to be like a wave tossed by the wind. i want to be the one who gets it.
like in the story about the two guys building houses--one on solid rock and one on shifting sand. i've realized, if i'm honest, that my mentality is to be the rock. i want to be the perfect, unchanging one in the midst of a storm. clearly there's a problem--i'm human. i'm not the rock, i'm supposed to set my life on the rock of Jesus. i was thinking about this as i was walking along the beach and that old caedmon's call song was playing in my head--"my faith is like shifting sand, changed by every wave. my faith is like shifting sand, so i stand on grace." in my efforts to be the rock, i've failed to recognize the invitation of grace.
so in these days when i feel like every single aspect of my life has been shaken by change, i'm learning my efforts of self-sufficiency are futile. i must learn to stand on the rock of grace found only in Jesus. but even as i write that, it just sounds like pretty words that are impossible to practically live out--but i'm trying. or maybe in a sense, i'm giving up.
4.29.2008
did someone move the finish line?
i like to turn most things in life into analogies. my mind just understands things better like that. lucky for me, writers like paul liked analogies, too. needless to say, get ready for one...
on saturday, my friend and i ran the country music half-marathon (http://cmmarathon.com) in nashville. we did this same one last year, but maybe last year i felt more trained and more prepared for the big day. going into this year's race, i was genuinely nervous and honestly thought i wouldn't make it. i was telling myself it was okay if i had to stop and walk, i just wanted to finish.
likewise, last week i started feeling incredibly overwhelmed one night. i just have this reccuring thought that there's no possible way i'm going to make it through these next couple of weeks. perhaps that sounds dramatic, but i'm just being honest. i know every graduating senior starts to freak out over the end and the new beginnings, but in my life all of those fears of transition are just thrown in with all the other fears and uncertainties that come along with grief. about 14 months ago, my life underwent a huge change, so in my mind, i associate dramatic life changes with pain and heartache.
i can't help but hurt when i think about Dad's absence at graduation. i want him to be standing around the grill with all of my roommates' dads at our party the night before. i want him to be getting so frustrated and yelling things like "dad-gummit" during the infamous moving out process. i want him to be so proud to have 3 college graduates and so happy to not be sending all of his money to a university he had no interest in only a few years ago.
but back to the marathon. we had a blast and the run actually felt really good. i even finished with a faster time than i had last year, which doesn't really make any sense in light of my lack of training. that's not to say that there weren't a few times i questioned my decision to run 13.1 miles. around mile 3, i found myself wondering if i was really going to be able to run 10 more miles. around mile 10, my body was really starting to feel it, but at that point i had already reached double digits, so i wasn't about to quit. the last mile felt the longest, and i laughed when someone ran by me wearing a tank-top that said "did someone move the finish line?"
unfortunately, in my life right now i don't see a "finish line," but i'm told in hebrews 12 to "run with endurance the race that is set before [me], looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of [my] faith..." in the marathon, when i wasn't sure if i would make it, i was too stubborn to give up. at 10 miles, if i had made it that far, i certainly could finish. maybe it's okay for me to feel stubborn in my faith. although it rarely makes sense to me, i'm not about to throw in the towel. although the next few years, months, weeks, days, even hours seem almost impossible to bear, i can look back on the last 14 months and see that i've made it this far without falling apart, so there's no need to bail on my faith now. isaiah 40 claims that "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength...they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." why? because "He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable."
sometimes i want to scream at the top of my lungs, "DID SOMEONE MOVE THE FINISH LINE?!" in other words, when do i get the finisher's medal? is this ever going to end? that's when i feel like paul screams right back at me through his words in 1 corinthians 9. i like it from the message version: "everyone runs; one wins. run to win. all good athletes train hard. they do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. you're after one that's gold eternally. i don't know about you, but i'm running hard for the finish line. i'm giving it everything i've got."
i don't know what all of this really looks like in those overwhelming moments when the pain literally takes my breath away, but i do know that i'm too stubborn to give up. i must persevere, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the One who will perfect this clumsy faith of mine.
on saturday, my friend and i ran the country music half-marathon (http://cmmarathon.com) in nashville. we did this same one last year, but maybe last year i felt more trained and more prepared for the big day. going into this year's race, i was genuinely nervous and honestly thought i wouldn't make it. i was telling myself it was okay if i had to stop and walk, i just wanted to finish.
likewise, last week i started feeling incredibly overwhelmed one night. i just have this reccuring thought that there's no possible way i'm going to make it through these next couple of weeks. perhaps that sounds dramatic, but i'm just being honest. i know every graduating senior starts to freak out over the end and the new beginnings, but in my life all of those fears of transition are just thrown in with all the other fears and uncertainties that come along with grief. about 14 months ago, my life underwent a huge change, so in my mind, i associate dramatic life changes with pain and heartache.
i can't help but hurt when i think about Dad's absence at graduation. i want him to be standing around the grill with all of my roommates' dads at our party the night before. i want him to be getting so frustrated and yelling things like "dad-gummit" during the infamous moving out process. i want him to be so proud to have 3 college graduates and so happy to not be sending all of his money to a university he had no interest in only a few years ago.
but back to the marathon. we had a blast and the run actually felt really good. i even finished with a faster time than i had last year, which doesn't really make any sense in light of my lack of training. that's not to say that there weren't a few times i questioned my decision to run 13.1 miles. around mile 3, i found myself wondering if i was really going to be able to run 10 more miles. around mile 10, my body was really starting to feel it, but at that point i had already reached double digits, so i wasn't about to quit. the last mile felt the longest, and i laughed when someone ran by me wearing a tank-top that said "did someone move the finish line?"
unfortunately, in my life right now i don't see a "finish line," but i'm told in hebrews 12 to "run with endurance the race that is set before [me], looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of [my] faith..." in the marathon, when i wasn't sure if i would make it, i was too stubborn to give up. at 10 miles, if i had made it that far, i certainly could finish. maybe it's okay for me to feel stubborn in my faith. although it rarely makes sense to me, i'm not about to throw in the towel. although the next few years, months, weeks, days, even hours seem almost impossible to bear, i can look back on the last 14 months and see that i've made it this far without falling apart, so there's no need to bail on my faith now. isaiah 40 claims that "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength...they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." why? because "He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable."
sometimes i want to scream at the top of my lungs, "DID SOMEONE MOVE THE FINISH LINE?!" in other words, when do i get the finisher's medal? is this ever going to end? that's when i feel like paul screams right back at me through his words in 1 corinthians 9. i like it from the message version: "everyone runs; one wins. run to win. all good athletes train hard. they do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. you're after one that's gold eternally. i don't know about you, but i'm running hard for the finish line. i'm giving it everything i've got."
i don't know what all of this really looks like in those overwhelming moments when the pain literally takes my breath away, but i do know that i'm too stubborn to give up. i must persevere, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the One who will perfect this clumsy faith of mine.
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