happy spring.

this season never fails to do a number on my soul. every year i'm overwhelmed all over again with the sense of hope and expectancy that spring brings. especially this year, after a winter of crazy weather, the sunshine, blue skies, and blooming flowers are so refreshing.

spent some time this morning thinking on the countless promises of newness found in scripture. just thought i'd share a few of my favorites on here.

a new song. psalm 40.1-3: "i waited patiently for the lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. he drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. he put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our god. many will see and fear, and put their trust in the lord."

a new thing. isaiah 43.18-19: "remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. behold, i am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? i will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

a new commandment. john 13.34: "a new commandment i give to you, that you love one another: just as i have loved you, you also are to love one another."

a new creation. 2 corinthians 5.17-18: "therefore, if anyone is in christ, he is a new creation. the old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

a new self. ephesians 4.23-24: "put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created after the likeness of god in true righteousness and holiness."

a new covenant. hebrews 9.15: "therefore he is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance, since a death has occurred that redeems them from the transgressions committed under the first covenant."

praise god he's in the business of deconstructing and reconstructing, taking old and making new. happy spring.

musings from mozart's.

for the last two years, february 27th has been a day of intense emotion and anxiety, with memories of that day in 2007 flooding my mind and leaving me feeling like i can't catch my breath.

praise god saturday wasn't like that.

there's such freedom in realizing that those feelings can (and do) certainly come and go, but they don't have to be governed by a date on the calendar.

i actually spent the day in austin with some friends, and got to spend the afternoon at mozart's, which is easily one of the coolest coffee shops i've ever been to. it was good to spend a few hours like this:

i don't know how best to articulate this, but i can't get away from the feeling that he's bringing me back around. he's wooing me back to him. where i used to think about god and feel so angry and betrayed and scared, now i feel peace and trust and security. where it all used to make me want to run away or keep him at an arm's length, now it makes me want to press into him.

perhaps it's no coincidence that i've been reading a henri nouwen book called the return of the prodigal son. i highly recommend it. here's a section from one of the last chapters, "the father welcomes home." i wanted to highlight every word and scream "YES!" at the end of every sentence.

For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. The question is not 'How am I to find God?' but 'How am I to let myself be found by him?' The question is not 'How am I to know God?' but 'How am I to let myself be known by God?' And, finally, the question is not 'How am I to love God?' but 'How am I to let myself be loved by God?'

I am beginning now to see how radically the character of my spiritual journey will change when I no longer think of God as hiding out and making it as difficult as possible for me to find him, but, instead, as the one who is looking for me while I am doing the hiding. When I look through God's eyes at my lost self and discover God's joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting.

Can I accept that I am worth looking for? Do I believe that there is a real desire in God to simply be with me?

sorry for such a long excerpt, but i feel like it perfectly describes where i am--longing to surrender my struggle and to let myself be found and known and loved by god...and trying to believe that he hasn't given up on me but desires to be with me...

i have to believe that i'm not alone in these thoughts. so whoever you are, i hope you're encouraged.

i have a reason to sing.

we sang hillsong's "desert song" in church yesterday and it's been stuck in my head ever since. i'm sure most of you know the song, and if you don't, you should probably go to itunes right now and purchase it. the lyrics are convicting and encouraging. i've been needing a fresh reminder of these promises. in every season, he is God. he alone is provider, refiner, and my victory. on the good days and on the hard days, i have a reason to worship.

enjoy.

this is my prayer in the desert,

when all that's within me feels dry.

this is my prayer in my hunger and need,

my God is the God who provides.

and this is my prayer in the fire,

in weakness or trial or pain.

there is a faith proved of more worth than gold,

so refine me Lord through the flame.

this is my prayer in the battle,

when triumph is still on its way.

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,

so firm on his promise I'll stand.

all of my life, in every season,

you are still God,

i have a reason to sing,

i have a reason to worship.

i will bring praise, i will bring praise,

no weapon formed against me shall remain.

i will rejoice, i will declare,

God is my victory and he is here.

and this is my prayer in the harvest,

when favor and providence flow.

i know i'm filled to be emptied again,

the seed i've received i will sow.

suffering well.

i have no doubt that anyone reading this blog has heard of matt chandler and his fight against brain cancer. the associated press recently released an article about him that has been published in newspapers across the country. if you haven't already, you really should read it. it's incredibly well-written. praise god that such a powerful word has been read by so many.

i've now read the article about three times, and each time my heart is challenged and convicted. my mind is racing with questions, so i keep reading it thinking i might find answers, but instead, the questions just race faster. so rather than presenting some organized, eloquent thoughts on the matter, i simply come with a list of questions. feel free to jump in and be a part of the processing.

• how does "suffering well" translate from enduring a fight against cancer to grieving the death of someone you love?
• has he really only asked "why me?" once? is it okay that i ask that question almost daily?
• his calvinist theology is clearly communicated through this article. as always, it makes me slightly uncomfortable, but i can't help wondering: is it the secret to his ability to maintain such a perspective on suffering?
• "he says he feels grateful that God has counted him worthy to endure it. he has always preached that God will bring both joy and suffering..." is it necessary to believe that second sentence in order to have the sense of gratitude described in the first?
• during the last three years, have i grieved well? do i have regrets?
• have i remained steadfast, or do i "grieve as others do who have no hope"? (1 thessalonians 4.13)
• in the last three years, have i endured this trial in such a way as to point others to the gospel? in the future, will i face trials in such a way as to point others to the gospel?

in today's my utmost for his highest reading, oswald chambers writes:

"The one passion of Paul's life was to proclaim the Gospel of God. He welcomed heartbreaks, disillusionments, tribulation, for one reason only, because these things kept him in unmoved devotion to the Gospel of God."

may we be unmoved in our devotion to the gospel. may we learn to suffer well.

revelation 7.9-10.

i was in dallas this weekend and had the joy of attending one of my favorite churches--park cities baptist. this church is full of good people who love others deeply and generously. they have an unbelievable hispanic ministry that has welcomed with open arms countless hispanic families in the area.

i met up with a friend at the traditional morning worship service, and afterwards she invited me to the spanish service in the gym. i'm so glad she did. the gym was packed with precious families and children singing beautiful songs and hearing a powerful message. i've decided that the times when i have most vividly experienced the kingdom of god have been the opportunities i've had to worship cross-culturally in a foreign language. though i've done this in multiple countries around the world, there was something significant about worshipping cross-culturally here in america with sweet families that live down the street from this very wealthy, predominantly white church. praise god that this church has figured out how to get over themselves and love people that don't look just like them.

if you haven't ever been around singing, praying, preaching, or scripture reading in a language other than english, i recommend it....asap. we have to realize that the kingdom of god is bigger than us white americans. in fact, if we're honest, we'll recognize that the church is actually growing exponentially faster in places that don't speak english than places that do.

i can't wait for heaven. i can't wait to worship with "a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, 'salvation belongs to our god who sits on the throne, and to the lamb!'"

here's a line from my favorite song we sang:

submergeme, en el rio de tu espiritu.

necesito refrescar este seco corazon.

sediento de ti.