psalm 94:17-19.

If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

sometimes when i'm having a hard time believing God in my present tense, i have to remember who he's been in my past tense. i like to think that's what the psalmist is doing here -- verses 17 and 18 are in past tense, and verse 19 is in present tense. so, the way we would finish that past tense sentence ("If the Lord had not been my help, ______________.") should add at least a tiny bit of strength to our present tense faith, right?

also, i'm thankful that "when the cares of my heart are many," the one who paul refers to as "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort" cheers, delights, and comforts my soul. what grace that though he commands us not to worry, he provides loving-kindness when we do. though he commands us throughout scripture not to be afraid, he provides comfort when we are. whatever our cares, worries, fears, anxieties are, we can look to the Lord's steadfast love (how good is the word "steadfast"?!) to hold us up when our feet are slipping.

i'm pretty terrible at remembering these things and pretty great at letting fear run the day. but that's not how we were made to live. we have the Spirit of power inside of us -- the same one that raised Jesus from the dead -- so at the very least i think that Spirit can help us to remember who our God is and how he's been faithful in our past tense, then strengthen us in our present tense to punch fear (anxiety, worry, discouragement, whatever) in the face.

thankful thursday.

a few things i've been thankful for this week...

1. football season.
college football is back, y'all, and the bristers are SO happy about it. currently, the auburn tigers are 3-0, the texas tech red raiders are 3-0, and the baylor bears are 2-0, so we're sitting pretty. i guess i should note that the oklahoma sooners are 3-0 as well, so our friends here are happy, too. below is a pic of us trying to be contextual or something. two things about this shot should concern you: i'm wearing crimson ("stripe the stadium" made me do it) and chris is wearing a visor. bless it.

{great seats at the ou/west virginia game -- thanks, houghtalings!}

2. texas trip.
when some of our norman friends moved to spring, texas (you might remember them from this post), we promised them we'd visit before the end of baseball season so chris could catch an astros game. we really miss them around here. we loved getting to see their new world, hear about kristian's new job with love146, play with their sweet little boys, laugh a whole lot (kristian + chris = a hilarious combo), and, of course, eat plenty of ice cream (it's what they do).

{how did we not get a picture with kristian and katy?}

on saturday, we drove from spring to longview for my cousin's wedding, so clearly we had to make a stop in lufkin to see two of our favorites. it was quick, but we'll take any time we can get with katelyn and walker. so thankful for them.

3. wicked.
my favorite musical is in oklahoma city right now, and i got to see it with a few girls on tuesday night! i've been singing and dancing around ever since. "so if you cannot find me, look to the western sky..."

4. pie.
my mom and brother have been raving about this pie place in the bishop arts district in dallas, so when i found myself down there for work this week, i knew i had to try it. i may or may not have gotten two slices -- one for dessert last night, and one for breakfast this morning. it was hands down the best pie i've ever had -- and it came in super cute packaging, too!

{my breakfast slice: "drop dead gourdgeous"}

5. sunrise.
when i opened my hotel room curtains this morning, this is what i saw:

{if you zoom in, you can see the state fair ferris wheel!}

are you kidding me?! sunrises are the most incredible. every time i see one i wonder why i don't wake up every morning to see it. donald miller tweeted one time that if the sunrise happened once a year, the whole world would wake up to watch it. i agree. it's so unbelievable that this stunning beauty happens every single day and we act like it's no big deal... and yet, God keeps making them happen. such a picture of his beauty and grace, and his new mercies -- every single morning!

what have you been thankful for this week?

thankful thursday: vacation edition.

a week ago today we got back from spending a full week in colorado -- half of it with my family for a friend's wedding in winter park, and half of it just us in denver. it was a very much needed, very much enjoyed getaway. i've been looking at pictures all week trying to pretend like i'm still there. funny how life doesn't really let you ease back in from time away; it forces you to jump back in full force. it's been a crazy week back, so with this post i'm remembering how incredibly grateful i was for our time in colorado. the 5 things i was most thankful for on our colorado vacay...

1. time with my family.
thankful for four days in a row with my favorite people in the whole world. i just can't get enough of them.

 2. the great outdoors. 
i think the only person on this trip who enjoyed being outside more than me was whit. being outside with a two-year-old boy is the BEST. who knew finding the perfect stick could be such a blast?! sticks, dandelions, rocks, flowers -- his hands were never without at least one of these things. thankful for time outdoors with this little explorer.

3. our hotel pool.
thankful for some down time -- and thankful to learn how to say "no" to seemingly fun things, like going out, and "yes" to seemingly boring things that are actually better for you, like laying low by the pool... because... rooftop pool in downtown denver. what?!

4. breakfast.
we've decided our "thing" when we travel is going to be finding the best breakfast spots in town. i think we nailed it in denver. we found so many good places, but the denver biscuit company was our favorite by far. thankful to taste the best cinnamon roll of my life.

5. time with chris in the mountains.
thankful for so many days away with the one i love in a place i love. i hope i never get over the beauty and just sheer awesomeness of mountains. they leave me speechless and practically force my heart to worship. i so enjoyed us experiencing that alongside each other.

gosh, it was such a great trip. so thankful! can we go back already?!

expecting, looking, and longing.

"And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!"
-- Isaiah 30.18, Amplified Bible

i love that the amplified version translates "waits" as "expecting, looking, and longing." waiting can have such a negative connotation. when i read that he's waiting to be gracious to me, it's as if he's tapping his toe, annoyed at my continual failures, just impatiently holding out his grace until i get my life together. but expecting, looking, and longing? that paints an entirely different picture -- one of inexplicable mercy and loving-kindness -- a picture much more in line with the character of God we know to be true from scripture.

i do that way too often. i create a picture of God in my head that just isn't true. i imagine God reacting to things as i would -- impatient, inconsistent, annoyed, indifferent. well no wonder i don't want to spend time with that god. no wonder i have a hard time trusting that god. i think this is why A.W. Tozer wrote, "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

so, what if i truly believed -- not just in my head, but deep down in the core of who i am -- that the God i worship is expecting, looking, and longing to be gracious to me, to have mercy on me, to show me loving-kindness?

i think only when i understand that will i be able to spend my life expecting, looking, and longing for Him. because why wouldn't you long for that God? why wouldn't you look to a God who Himself -- His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, His matchless, unbroken companionship -- is better than anything this world has to offer?

i want to live like that. i want to believe it in the depths of my soul and let it transform my life.

these are my thoughts this morning. i have no doubt i'll forget these things by tomorrow morning -- or even this afternoon -- and have to remind myself all over again. thankful for grace.

"My only wish and desire, the one thing I humbly crave to have is the grace to love God, to love Him alone. Beyond that I ask for nothing more." -- St. Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556)

adoption in scripture.

one of my responsibilities at work is to manage the blog for buckner's be a family website. i recently wrapped up a series on that blog entitled, "adoption in scripture," where i walked through various places in scripture where we see adoption themes and stories. i really enjoyed writing it. i don't miss late nights in the library, but i do sometimes miss researching and writing for seminary classes. i loved being a student (nerd alert). it was fun to use those skills to write about something i care so deeply about -- and to do it for my job! what a gift!

so, if you're interested, i'd love to share the "adoption in scripture" posts with you. i hope you enjoy them and are encouraged by them. i also hope you appreciate how many capital letters i used.

part I: before creation
part II: abraham
part III: moses
part IV: esther
part V: jesus
part VI: paul's letters